In January of 1983, Bob Ross, a military guy turned professional artist, began broadcasting his now famous half hour-long TV show called The Joy of Painting. If you've never seen the show and you have no idea what we're talking about, stop reading this, hit up YouTube real fast and watch an episode or two. We'll just wait here 'til you get back. *Hums "Oops!... I Did It Again" by Britney Spears, files nails, eats that other half of the doughnut we found in our car this morning* Ah, okay, did you finish? So you see what we're talking about? Cool, cool. We can finally proceed.
In his now legendary show, Bob Ross showed his viewers, in a simple step-by-step process with his super soothing and friendly voice, how to paint their own landscapes. These days, he's a pop culture icon featured in countless memes for his Mr. Rogers-esque demeanor and his iconic "ain't no thang" attitude. Bob Ross holds a special place in many PBS viewers' hearts, because he knew how to turn his mistakes into "happy accidents" and he taught us how to do the same. It's just too bad that these 15 artists couldn't save their screw ups. Such a shame.
15 If only they had a memory like an elephant
This elephant is an accident. Anyone with eyes can see it, so we don't think anyone is going to dispute that statement. But the question is, is it a happy accident? Of course, being the Bob Ross lovers that we are, we would like to think so. Sadly, it's just not the case. This elephant isn't happy, because his face has been unceremoniously drawn onto the front of his head, exactly where any other elephant on the surface of the planet's face wouldn't go. Additionally, we're not happy that we have to look at it because, let's just be real here, it's unsettling.
We know the artist responsible for this little guy is conscious of the fact that they goofed up (as they should be), so at least they're not deluding themselves. We just wish that they had taken the time to Google "What does an elephant look like?" before they committed to this...this thing. Fingers crossed this horror film Babar wasn't permanently painted to the wall of a paediatricians office, but given that most of these kinds of murals are featured in children's hospitals we're afraid innocent lads and lassies are going to have to gaze into this elephant's mortifying face as they get their shots. Sorry, kids.
14 Son of a swear words!
You may not know this about us, but we're actually very talented sculptors. Give us a container of Play-Doh, and in no time flat, we can have that thing rolled into a semi-shapeless ball. We're also pretty good at dividing the hunk of Play-Doh into several pieces and rolling them on a hard surface so that they resemble spaghetti noodles. Oh, okay, okay. So we're not talented sculptors. Forgive us for trying to inject a little levity in this sad situation. Guess we must be out of our minds for trying to be funny. Our mistake.
Maybe we can't sculpt for beans, but we'll tell you what. If we could sculpt, for beans or for anything else, and we spent hours creating this masterpiece only to drop it flat on the floor as we tried to carefully tote it across the room? Heck, we would still be screaming into the abyss about it even to this day. Talk about dissatisfying! Devoting all of that time and pouring all of that hard effort into a creative endeavor is maddening enough as it is, but to have said creative endeavor squished like a bug at the very end of it? That has to hurt you some place deep inside.
13 Indecisive realism because indecisiveness is real
"So I should just sit down here while you paint my por - oh you're done" pic.twitter.com/2h7i29DZCI— Ben Jenkins (@bencjenkins) October 12, 2016
Don't get us wrong, we're not saying this painting is a mistake. Or, at least, we're not saying it's a happy accident, it's just that...no, wait. That is what we're saying. We guess we just mean that the overall technique used here is very good. Look at this painting. It's impressive! It's realistic, it's got nice colors. This is the kind of thing you'd want hanging in your study or on the wall of a courthouse.
This piece has all of the makings of a good work of art, but then you look at the guy's hands and that's when you start to wonder if the artist knew what they were doing.
We don't know if this guy is supposed to be reaching for his pen to sign that document or if he's subtly flashing a gang sign, but we do know what it looks like. It looks like he's indecisive. It looks like every time the artist glanced up at him, he was debating whether or not he should put it on that stack of books with his other hand or tuck it into his coat like some people did in their portraits from the 1800's. Decision, decisions. Too bad it's too late to make any of them.
12 The concept art for the new live action "The Lion King" looks amazing
Ah, kids. They ruin everything, don't they? Uh, wait, what? No! That's not what we meant to say! Ha ha, nah! No, we definitely don't think that. Why, those little dumplings of pure squee make life worth living, that's what we always say. With their adorable little baby faces and their sweet tiny hands that, for whatever reason, are always sticky, we can't get enough of those rugrats—especially when they're taking our perfectly good sketches that we worked hours on and turning them into un-fixable, irreparable catastrophes every time we turn our back on them for two minutes. Yep. Those kids. They sure are the cat's meow.
If you thought you detected just a hint of sarcasm back there, as well as a feline pun, you're not wrong. Look, kids are cute, it's just that sometimes they screw things up. And, we mean, that's okay. We get it. Kids often bite off more than they can chew. They think they're more experienced than they are, so they try to do these things and it inevitably blows up in their faces because, of course, they aren't experienced at all. We realize this is all just a part of learning. But knowing that doesn't make this lion's body any better.
11 Eyes are overrated anyway
This sketch is such a travesty, and we're prepared to tell you why. For one thing, it's good. It is. We're not even joking about that. You can tell that this is Zach Braff as J.D. from Scrubs, and the fact that you can immediately see what the artist was going for is proof of their skill. If we doodled something as impressive as this, we'd be perfectly happy. Well, at least, we'd be mostly happy. There's just one thing that would keep us from being totally happy with it, and that brings us to our next point: his eyes. Why are they all wonky?
If you drew something so well, why would you let a mistake as glaringly obvious (pun absolutely intended) as those eyes slip through your grasp? It doesn't make sense!
Anyone, even the most unskilled of artists, knows that the struggle of drawing eyes is real. Oh, sure, you can get one of them penciled up perfectly. But then you have to draw the other one, and it has to be centered and proportional and in line with the first one. It looks like this artist flipped the bird at the whole "drawing eyes to match" deal and now everybody's paying for their mistake.
10 Squid pigs are our favorite kind of bird
Unless you're a mad scientist specializing in genetic experiments gone weird, we don't think that squid pig hybrid flying through the air up there can be called a win. But, that said, we don't think it's a loss, either. This is a screw up, but because the artist recognized it as such and decided to roll with it, they turned their Frankensteinian creation into a wonderful and pleasing bit of peculiarity. We're not going so far as to say it's a happy accident, but of all of the unhappy accidents we've seen here, this one's the happiest of them.
We don't know how that thing came to be. Is covering up an even worse mistake? Was it supposed to be a cardinal too, like the birds sitting on the branch below it, but things got out of hand so it had to be transformed into a squid pig in order to save the integrity of the painting? Or was this whole thing planned ahead of time by the warped, twisted mind of the artist? All we can do is speculate as to why that flying swine is passing by. But no matter the reason for it, we have to admit. We kind of like it, even for all it's zaniness.
9 Those aren't even front of the refrigerator-worthy
When this artist described their sketches as "bad boys" we don't think that they meant that literally, but that's definitely the way we're taking it. You know what, fam? You right. Those are bad boys. They are bad in every sense of the word. Your Mel Gibson portrait looks like an alien who's trying to impersonate the Signs actor, your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is downright distressing, your Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter is so far off base, we don't even know what to say about it, and you somehow managed to make Justin Bieber look worse. In other words, ya done goofed it up.
As you can see, Your Honor, we have more than enough evidence to prove that this artist is guilty of gross incompetence, and we ask that they be made to toss their art supplies into a volcano.
We don't know where this artist, whoever they may be, gets off trying to sell these creations, but they need to step back and reevaluate. They need to reword that ad of theirs because nobody ought to be paying for the "privilege" of receiving one of those things. We should be getting paid to take them off of this artist's hands. It's only fair.
8 *We* want their money back
Few people know this, it's one of them forgotten pieces of history, but after Benjamin Franklin flew that kite with the key attached to it during that lightning storm—remember that? Well, he was walking back up to his house when he suddenly tripped. Terrible, right? The guy had gout, we guess maybe his ankle got sore and gave out on him or something. Whatever the reason, he fell and he hit the ground so hard that he swallowed his lips! Ugh! Such a blow to such a great American. A real calamity. Oh, but the good news is we just made all of that up and it never happened at all, so at least there's that.
We don't know who this tattoo artist thought they were that they could or should be the one to decide if Ben Franklin was worthy enough to have lips or not, but Ben Frankly we resent their attempt at playing the part of the almighty. Who gave you the right to do that to one of the nation's founding fathers? He helped get the French on board with the whole American Revolution thing! He's part of the reason America's a sovereign country! Come on, people, show some respect!
7 Don't tell him what to do
Alright, okay. So maybe this little guy's Olaf doesn't look anything like it's supposed to. Maybe it doesn't look like Olaf at all. But just because you don't "get" what he was going for doesn't mean it's not art, capeesh? It just means that you're a small minded doofus who wouldn't know critical thinking if it came up to you and headbutted you in the gut. Besides, this is still better than like 90-percent of the stuff that Pablo Picasso ever created (yeah, we said it, and we'd say it again if we had to), so whatevs. Take it or leave it, it's no skin off his nose.
This little boy had a vision. It was a vision not of animated comedy relief snowmen, but of globs of gray paint and not so happy little accidents.
Sure, maybe he didn't follow along with the art instructor. Maybe he decided to wing it, but just because he's not a sheeple like the rest of his classmates doesn't mean that he's not talented, it just means he's not a proponent of conformity. Forgive him for having the audacity to think for himself, but when asked, "Do you wanna build a snowman," his answer will always and forever be an adamant "No."
6 Oh, you gotta be kidding
We realize that police sketches aren't "art for the sake of art". We mean, the sketch artists aren't drawing those things up because they're trying to get their own exhibit at an art museum or a gallery, they're trying to help the police catch criminals. It's not as if they're trying to rival Da Vinci's "Vitruvian Man" they just need to whip up something that looks like the ne'er-do-well in question to show the people who watch the nightly news so they can keep their eyes peeled around town. That's all. This is serious stuff they're doing, but it's not entirely artistic.
Still...it seems like *somebody* could have worked a little harder on this. This thing is so bad, we're beginning to suspect that this police department doesn't even have an artist they call when they need a drawing made. It looks like they went down to the local middle school and had the art teacher ask all of her classes to draw a person wearing a hoodie, and once the deputies had collected all of the students' sketches, they had to pick the best one and here it is. Hey, we hate to spend money too, police officers, but it's high time you hire a real sketch artist.
5 Don't just stand there, show us how!
This person says they can draw the eyes but they can't draw anything else, and for the life of us, we just can't figure out how that works. What do you mean you can draw the eyes? How? How do that? Tell! Teach! We need the low-down on this situation, because ours and nearly everybody else's predicament is the exact opposite. Show us your ways, oh artistic one, so that we may have greater drawing knowledge, and in return we won't mock this beautifully eyed girl stick figure, even though it's perfect for riffing.
We don't have any statistics, but we bet the vast majority of the world is better at drawing everything else but the eyes. The fact that someone out there can do just the opposite is befuddling to say the least.
This is just like when you're little and you find out that there are people out there who have a different dominant hand than you do. It just throws you for a loop. Up until that point, you thought everyone was right handed or left handed, just like you, but no. That's not the case. What's actually the case is mind blowing, and we haven't even mentioned the fact that some people are ambidextrous.
4 Somebody has lost they mind
Whoever sutured the head of an infant onto the roasted body of a turkey is sick. It was one thing when that one artist painted a flying squid pig. At least that unhappy little accident was laughable, plus it was painted on a canvas, not human skin, so should the owner ever want to get rid of it, all they would have to do is set it out at a garage sale or chuck it into a dumpster behind a Taco Bell. But this is a tattoo, for crying out loud! This is going to be on this anonymous person's skin forever!
The way we see it, this person has two options. Keep the tattoo and live with the shame of knowing they made one heck of an embarrassing drunken mistake, or two, have the tattoo removed and live with the shame of knowing that, at one time, they were dumb enough to have a poultry baby drawn into their skin. Any way you look at this, any solution that you consider for this predicament, is so full of despair and non-success, we don't even know what to do with it. The best option for us, the viewer, is to try to move on as best we can. Also, therapy.
3 He doesn't look so good
The writing on the side of the paper says "Channing Tatum" but the face of this badly drawn being says, "Jeremy Renner and Jensen Ackles had a baby, only it didn't turn out as handsome as you might think." Somewhere in the course of this, somebody goofed up bad and they goofed up bad multiple times. Not trying to criticize here, even though yes, we are, but Channing Tatum this ain't. It doesn't even resemble.
The only thing this picture looks like is that the artist should find a new hobby and give up sketching for good. Please and thank you.
This thing is bad, there's no bones about it. However, there is a bright side to be seen here. The good news for the artist is that this is so bad, it's...well, it's not good per se, but it's enjoyable, how's that? We wouldn't classify this as a happy accident. Quite the opposite, in fact. But, hey, at least it's not baby headed turkey bad, and it's not even no lips Benjamin Franklin bad. They can't chalk this one up as a win, but it's a winner among non winners, and that's almost like being a world champion! Almost. Well, no, not really. Never mind.
2 We have a new favorite artist, and his name is this guy
It's still pretty early in the day, so maybe it's silly to be making claims like this when the world has barely even got going good, but we're going to go ahead and say it anyway. This is the best thing that we've seen all day. Never mind that it's still morning and there's always a chance that we might see a puppy flying a kite or a kitten catching butterflies. We know that because it's a new day, the bar is high. But we're calling it now because we love this guy's painting so much.
To be sure, it's no happy accident. This guy was clearly supposed to be painting a sunset with a tree, and he didn't deliver on that score. Indeed, we can glean from his finished work of art that he must've screwed up so badly that the only way he could turn his disaster-piece around was by morphing it into Bigfoot, AKA Sasquatch, AKA The Boggy Creek Creature. But, you know? This just goes to show you that your own personal perfection doesn't have to line up with everybody else's definition of the word. Sure, this guy goofed up, but he also found himself in the process. Man, that is so deep.
1 Public Enemy No. 1, Owl Man
Oh, for the love of...not again! Gosh, what is with you people and your inability to release non-laughable police sketches? Deputies? Sheriffs? Surely you people can put your heads together and pool your resources to come up with a better alternative to these—there's no other way to say it—ludicrous drawings. Because this? This is no good. That's not a criminal, okay? That's an owl who got cursed by a forest witch and turned into a human for doing a bad deed or something. That's a villain from a B movie. He's not the ffella you're looking for.
We'll tell you who the real criminal is here. The person who drew this sketch. Lock them up and throw away the key—and, more importantly, their sketch book.
We hate to be *that person*, but somebody had better get us a manager because this will not stand! We'll have you know that we have done exactly nothing to deserve to be bombarded with this image, and we will not rest until we receive some kind of restitution for the mental anguish and damage that we have sustained as a result. Bring us the lead of this artist's pencil at once! Off with their lead!