If we’re dating someone, it’s only a matter of time before we start to find ourselves having little arguments every now and then. Usually, they’re no big deal. We struggle with what to watch, or we disagree over where to order in from; these are the little things that don’t necessarily impact the relationship in the long run.
However, when there are a bunch of unresolved arguments that keep cropping up, things can tend to fester and pile up. We’re not the biggest fans of this, but we do know that they happen to even the best-intentioned couples. The important thing is to recognize when tensions are starting to rise.
Paying attention to the kinds of text messages he’s sending is an easy way to decode how he’s feeling without asking him over and over again directly. While it shouldn’t replace good, old fashioned conversation, reading the subtext of his messages can help us diffuse a potential argument before it starts, without him having to admit he’s getting too worked up to continue.
We’ve gone through and found 25 of the most common “nice” messages he sends, and have deciphered what they really mean... for science. Or at least for the sake of our relationships!
25 ‘It’s Fine’
The number one on every list when it comes to “nice” text messages, these two little words seem to be in everyone’s text message history. “It’s fine” is a message that we’ve all used at least once when we’re not angry, but he’s certainly more prone to using it when he’s frustrated or upset.
This is the universal text message that means “I’m upset, but I don’t want to talk about it.” At least we all know what this one means when he sends it!
24 ‘Lol Have Fun’
It seems nice and polite on the surface, right? After all, he’s wishing us a fun time when we’re out with our friends, family, or whomever we’re going to see. Unfortunately, not all is as it seems with this message.
Thought Catalog reminds us that this is a message which is just basic enough to warrant asking “what’s wrong.” While it might be sweet for them to seem like they care, really, this message is all about what he’s not saying: “have fun... without me.”
23 Any Single Word Replies
Elite Daily pointed out this one, but it’s no surprise. After all, we’re certainly guilty of doing this when we get angry, and we’re sure that other folks have also noticed the same amongst their partners. Single-word replies are a sign that he’s wanting to end the conversation.
This tends to come up in an argument, or when there’s something negative nagging at him. The biggest annoyance about this kind of text messaging? He doesn’t just come out and tell us he needs to take a break from the talking.
22 ‘I Guess It’s Okay…’
This kind of wishy-washy agreeing can go either way: sometimes it means that he really is okay with things, while other times it means something a little deeper. Sure, some guys don’t have a strong opinion when it comes to where to eat or what to do on the next date night. However, many guys do.
They know better than to rock the relationship boat, though, and don’t want to disappoint us. He might not be angry when he sends this to us, but he’s definitely not pleased with whatever our choice was.
21 ‘Sorry, I Can’t Come To [Wherever] Anymore!’
Did your guy send this message out of the blue before your date night? He’s probably fuming over something that happened earlier that day. Madame Noire mentions this is one of the sneakiest “nice” messages.
While it might read on the surface as our guy being considerate and kind telling us ahead of time he can’t make it out, it’s actually bad. It’s a last minute cancellation that means he doesn’t want to see us, despite the plans. If that’s not a sign he’s fuming, we don’t know what is.
20 ‘That Hairstyle Looks Way Better’
Everyone knows what a backhanded compliment is, but for those that aren’t aware, it means a compliment that’s actually got an insult hidden inside of it. In this case, it’s the unspoken comment on how bad our hairstyle was before. Saying that this hairstyle looks “way better” implies that the last one looked “way bad.”
Normally our guys are careful of their phrasing, but if he’s in a bad mood, this backhanded “nice” message might just slip out and show his true thoughts on our hair care.
19 ‘Wow, That Outfit Will Definitely Get You Some Attention’
How many of us have been all excited to go out and about on the town with our friends, only to have our partner say something like this? Believe it or not, this is a way of him taking out his anger at being left at home on us.
Maybe he’s upset that you want to have a girls’ night. Maybe he’s frustrated that his plans for an after-work rendezvous with you got soured by drinks and dancing. In all honesty, it doesn’t matter why he’s mad. He doesn’t get to judge our outfits.
18 ‘I Can’t Live Without You’
Here’s a tricky text that tends to come up in the middle of an argument. We’ve experienced this one before, and it’s equal parts worrying as it is heart-melting. If you and he are in the middle of an argument and you’re talking about how “maybe this isn’t working,” he might whip out this text message.
It’s a way for him to say “I don’t want you to leave, so I’m going to guilt you into staying.” Trust us: this is a message that’s only sent when he’s mad, frustrated, or scared.
17 ‘Sorry, Phone Died’
It’s a bummer that our phones end up running out of battery right when we need them the most, like when we’re in the middle of a disagreement with a significant other. If you’re talking to a partner via text message and they all of a sudden disappear, then come back saying that their phone died, this tends to mean, “I didn’t want to argue anymore.”
It’s not the worst message to receive, but disappearing is not a good way to handle any kind of relationship issue!
16 ‘Did You Get My Last Message?’
Sometimes it’s a totally innocent question. After all, if we asked a question, we need an answer to it, right? This is especially true if we’ve been having issues with our phones. It’s totally reasonable to see why he’s sending this message.
However, Thought Catalog points out that this message can also be a passive-aggressive way to say, “hey, answer me!” It’s not the nicest, but at least it’s not something that’s directly mean. We’re okay with answering this message, though we know it can be a point of contention for some people.
15 ‘I Just Want To Let It Go’
There’s nothing more annoying than trying to talk about an issue or a problem in the relationship and having our partner totally disengage from us and the conversation. Madame Noire pointed out this text message, which is tantamount to him saying “I’m finished with this argument.”
While it’s not the most respectful way to say it, we do have to give our guy some credit; at least he’s trying to diffuse his anger and tension, rather than giving into it any more than he already has!
14 ‘Didn’t Hear From You Last Night. You Okay?’
This is another one of those messages that sounds super sweet on paper but actually has some fuming undertones. The subtext to this message is, “why didn’t you talk to me?” He’s probably feeling a little hurt that he missed getting a good night message. Or he might be grumpy about missing out on a night with us.
This is especially true if we had a date night set, but had to change it due to work or other plans. We recommend asking him how he’s feeling, as there might be something brewing.
13 ‘So, Are You Coming Over Or What?’
Madame Noire pointed out this text message as well, which is one that we hadn’t realized was a “nice” message in disguise. Madame Noire says that this is often sent during an argument to imply that the physical relationship is the most important aspect.
As in, he’d rather figure things out on the couch rather than with words. We also feel that it shows a disregard for our feelings. If we’re upset about something, we want to talk about it! This shows that he’s more concerned with getting the conversation all sealed up.
12 ‘I Told You 7:30 So We Didn’t Have To Rush’
Hands up, those of us who have been on the receiving end of this! It’s no surprise that it takes us a while to get ready. After all, there are lots of things to consider: hair, makeup, shoes, showering. All of these things take time. This text, however, reveals that he has zero faith in our timekeeping abilities.
He lied about the start time so we would be ready on time. Sure, it makes sense. But this is another veiled insult that shows just how frustrated with our get ready time he is.
11 ‘Erica Is Taking Me Out Tonight’
Did you happen to mention that your two best friends from college are going out tonight, and they invited you along? Did he get insecure over the fact that one or both of those friends are male? That still doesn’t make it okay for him to send us this message.
The implication being that he’s trying to make us jealous. Maybe Erica is the girl who leaves flirty comments on photos. Maybe she’s an ex. Whoever she is, he knows that one-on-one time with her is going to get under our skin. He’s just insecure.
10 ‘Yeah, You’re Right’
Sometimes this message can be taken at face value, as it really does mean he thinks we’re right. Or, at least right enough to concede his point. However, if you’re in the middle of a disagreement, be aware that he might just be using this “nice” text message to get some time away from the discussion.
Madame Noire mentions that by agreeing to whatever we’re saying he believes that he can get away from the argument. It’s worth asking if he really agrees with us, or if he’s just throwing it out there.
9 ‘I Don’t Care Babe, Just Choose A Movie’
The worst nightmare for any of us indecisive folks out there, telling us to pick a place can often backfire. While he might think that this is going to be the shortcut to making us happy, sometimes it’s just going to make us even angrier than him!
After all, it’s not the place that matters; we just want him to put some effort in when it comes to the relationship. His defaulting to “just choose a place” is a sign that he’s frustrated, though, even if it sounds considerate and calm.
8 Using ‘Bro’, ‘Dude’, Or ‘Bud’ Instead Of Pet Names
This is a subtle shift in tone, but it’s one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Thought Catalog mentions this one, and we believe it’s worth taking a look at a little more closely. Not only does it give us way-too-casual vibes, but it’s also a sign that he’s trying to distance himself.
Using the language he has for his friends takes us out of that girlfriend zone. All of a sudden we’re not so close to him, which actually kind of hurts. It’s definitely a sign he’s angry about something.
7 ‘Just Forget It, It’s Not A Big Deal’
Ugh, how many different ways can he find to say the same thing? Unsurprisingly there are a lot of ways that he tells us he’s done with the argument, none of which actually consist of him saying “I’m done with this argument.”
Telling us to forget about something he’s said really just irks us more, making the whole thing even more difficult to deal with. This is a text that is trying way too hard to minimize the situation, which means his frustration is just growing and growing.
6 ‘What Does Your Mom Think?’
It doesn’t sound bad on the surface, and this text is actually one that, we believe, can be appropriate depending on the situation. Like, for instance, if he’s asking what our mom thought of the gift he gave her for Christmas.
But Madame Noire mentions that it can also be used as a passive-aggressive jab at how close we might be with our mother. For example, how we might be immediately dialing to talk through our latest relationship problem with her. Is he irked when he says this? Undoubtedly.
5 ‘Wow, You’re Like A Totally Different Person’ After We Get All Dolled Up
There’s something about putting on makeup and a nice top that makes our guys get grumpy. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re putting in so much effort to go out with our friends when we wore sweatpants to our last date night. It’s a mystery, really.
What’s not a mystery is the fact that our guy is upset when he says this to us. Sometimes calling us a different person can suggest that we might not feel like his girlfriend anymore. At least, not in his eyes. Yikes!
4 ‘I’m Glad You And Your Friends Are So Close’
Another passive-aggressive text message, we want to be clear that there’s nothing wrong with being close to our friends. Never let anyone take away your close friendships; they’re more important than any other relationships for many of us.
But he might be saying this to subtly express some of his frustration about how much time we spend with them. It’s important to have balance in a relationship, and, while you might like spending time with your friends, he might be asking for a little more one-on-one connection with you.
3 ‘Today Was Just Really Busy For Me...’
This text message usually comes as the response to a question. Often that question is, “why are you so quiet?” While he might have a totally valid reason, like family issues or friend drama, sometimes he doesn’t want to get into it.
This is when he pulls out this message, hoping that we’ll accept the response for what it is and will leave well enough alone. He might not be fuming at us with this, but there’s definitely a likelihood that something is going on with him.
2 ‘Are You Reconnecting With Some Old Friends, Or?’
It feels a little gross when someone asks us about our social media habits. After all, that’s the kind of thing that we usually believe to be our business. We follow the accounts we want to follow, and no one should tell us to stop.
If he’s texting us this message, though, he’s letting his mind run away with imaginary scenarios. Definitely talk to him, and find out why he’s lowkey fuming about our online habits. After all, we all know social media isn’t real life!
1 Total Silence
Finally, we’ve come to one of the most painful “nice” texting habits out there: the silent treatment. Mom always said that if we don’t have anything nice to say, we shouldn’t say anything at all. This is the stance our guys are taking when they leave us hanging.
He decides to hold his tongue until he can better articulate himself and control his emotions. We’re not the biggest fans of this, but get the logic behind it. The only way to handle it is to just let him cool down. He’ll come around eventually.
Sources: Elite Daily, Madame Noire, Thought Catalog