Now, I live in England, and I’m here to tell you that everything you’ve heard about Britain and the British is mostly true. The rainy season around here started in the year 1346 or so, and has continued uninterrupted since.
Some of us are super pretentious monocle wearers, who sit sipping tea on their voluminous lawns, calling the butler over every now and again to tell him to shoo the neighborhood common children away from the grounds of their estate...
Snark aside, one major stereotype that I can totally support is our love for the royal family. Good old Elizabeth II is the longest-reigning monarch in British history, and she’s been the subject of all manner of amazing memes in here time. Buckle up for 15 of the best.
15 False Fact #1: Her Gangster Name Is Lethal Lizzle
From the outside looking in, it’s easy to pick up the wrong impression about Elizabeth II. What do you see when you look at her? A fussy, haughty, 91-year-old, wearing a perfectly color-coordinated pantsuit — that’s what you see. She's usually attending some fancy-butt cocktail party or sporting event or opening a hospital. You know, the usual.
Rock and roll, she is not, is the first impression you’d probably walk away with. Granted, in an official capacity, she’s got to uphold all of that class, sophistication, and such. You don’t want her swigging from a beer can or dropping a deuce in a hedge for the world’s press to see, do you?
Despite all of this, she’s totally capable of going full gangster on us when she’s feeling it. Here she is, driving a Range Rover in a hoodie with absolutely zero effs given.
14 False Fact #2: She Won A Grammy For Her Debut Album, 'Gangsta's Paradise'
Elizabeth II, as British history nerds will know, took the throne in 1952. 65 years later, she’s still there, and has probably worn a nice Homer Simpson-style butt groove in all of the palace furniture. Most importantly, as I think we can all agree, that’s a whole darn lot of ruling right there.
In all of that time, you can bet that he’s handed out a lot of trophies. A lot of New Year's honors, a lot of new knighthoods, all of that sort of thing. Too much of this, however, can be hard on a person. Year in and year out making Elton John, Gordon Ramsay, and such knights for their services to music and food? Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
When can I get in on some of that trophy action myself, Elizabeth is probably thinking.
13 False Fact #3: She Wears Sunglasses All Day Every Day
Ah, Lethal Lizzle. Always living the thug life.
Now, as we all know, sunglasses are (generally speaking) an outside-only sort of item. You might have a sweet pair of Ray Bans, but there are no rays to ban inside the house, buddy.
I have that fancy light-reactive coating on my regular glasses, which makes them a kind of quasi-sunglasses in bright light. When I get inside, I’m rendered pretty well blind for a moment until this disappears again. As such, I have precisely zero clue how anybody could ever pull off sunnies indoors.
I can think of only two people who can get away with this. The first is Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movies. The second is Albert Wesker, of the Resident Evil video games. After seeing this, however, I’m totally down to add Her Majesty to the list as well.
12 False Fact #4: She’s A Member Of Cakeoholics Anonymous
Every day on the Internet, we come across stories that are a little dubious. That’s just the nature of the beast. Here on the web, anyone can say anything and try to pass it off as fact. It’s the good old-fashioned "pictures or it didn’t happen" mentality in action.
Sometimes, it’s not really important whether these things are factual or not. This story, for instance, is so heartwarming and adorable that it really should be true, and I choose to believe it nonetheless. It’s nice to see the Queen’s fussy old fuddy-duddy image played down a little, and her fun-loving sense of humor emphasized for once.
My marriage in London is coming up quite soon, and I’m damned if I’m not going to send an invite Elizabeth’s way as well.
11 False Fact #5: She’s About Done With This Whole ‘Being Queen’ Thing
If there’s one criticism that’s frequently leveled at the Windsors, it’s the whole "what are they" actually for thing. While Britain’s Queen is technically ‘in charge,’ this doesn’t really amount to much in a practical sense. For all intents and purposes, the Prime Minister is the person who calls the shots.
It’s a curious thing. Any time the fancy took her, Elizabeth could just proclaim screw everyone and everything; she could disband Parliament, re-implement the death penalty, and go nuts. Within a couple of hours, she could be ruling the Commonwealth with fear and terror. Like Emperor Palpatine, only with more Corgis and fabulous pantsuits.
I don’t see it happening, though. Mainly because that’s way too much darn effort for anyone to go through, particularly when they’re 91 years of age and accustomed to the status quo.
10 False Fact #6: She Was Recently Voted The World’s Most Embarrassing Grandma
With all of that said, it’s clear that the Queen’s more of a figurehead; a wielder of ceremonial rather than literal power. She’s totally content with that, and who can blame her? I think she’s earned a more leisurely life, a life of collecting corgis and waving magnificently from the window of her carriage as the commoners pass by.
Her grandsons, Princes William and Harry, aren’t going to just sit on their laurels and misbehave themselves, though. The two princes are accomplished men, and have had extensive military training (as far as their high profiles would allow, naturally).
To the rest of the world, they are His Royal Highness Prince William/Henry, but to the Queen, they are her grandsons, Little Willy-Poo and Hen-Hen (their actual pet names may differ), which is how this sort of super-humiliating situation can come about for them.
9 False Fact #7: She’s Constantly Scheming To Get America Back
If there’s another thing we all know about the British, it’s that they used to be one hell of a big deal on the world stage. It wasn’t always just the cramped, soggy little island we see nowadays. Back in the day, it was a cramped, soggy little island with a formidable navy, which brilliantly sequestered land from just about everybody (in true Roman style). We had a full empire on our hands once.
Granted, Elizabeth is still Queen of Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, as well as other countries that have become independent since she took power (Jamaica and Papua New Guinea, for instance). The days of the British Empire are far behind us now, though, and I’m sure the Queen is secretly a little bitter about the whole thing now.
8 False Fact #8: She Auditioned For 'Commando,' But Lost The Role To Arnold Schwarzenegger
As we’ve already seen, there’s a lot more to Elizabeth II than meets the eye. We’re all familiar with that image of the Queen as a dour, disapproving, nose-up-at-the-poor sort of woman. That unapproachable air. At times, she’s got to be that way, for the sake of official appearances. However rich and important you may be, though, nobody’s as one-dimensional as all that.
As a lot of these memes show, she’s found herself in all manner of situations you wouldn’t expect to find her in. The Range Rover hoodie incident was quite a thing to behold, and so is this.
At times, you’ve got to inspect the troops. You’ve also, I suppose, got to play around with some pretty darn heavy-duty weaponry, while some super important military type holds a classy little umbrella over your head.
7 False Fact #9: She Discovered The Fountain of Youth in 1743
Elizabeth II has, by all accounts, utterly smashed it when it comes to being Queen. She is the world’s longest-reigning queen regnant, and the oldest and most experienced female head of state on the planet. That’s the kind of record that you just don’t screw with.
A couple years back, she became the longest-reigning monarch Britain has ever had, overtaking Queen Victoria’s record of 63 years on the throne. She’s now fast approaching 66 years. But how in the name of Satan’s panties does she do it?
Now, of course, she gets the kind of care that most 91-year-olds could only dream of. Despite that, though, you can’t deny that she’s looking darn well for it. The woman cannot and will not be stopped. Unlike her husband, Prince Philip, who recently retired from his royal duties aged 96.
6 False Fact #10: She Is Also Queen Of Hatland
As high as the country’s support for the royal family remains, Elizabeth II does have her detractors. Universal popularity is just impossible, and the press and the people have had their digs over the years. Lavish spending on the royals’ part has been criticised, and the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, saw all kinds of conspiracy theories and claims thrown their way.
However critical you might be of Elizabeth and her crew, there’s one thing you just can’t argue with: Her fashion sense.
The Queen’s outfits are always on point. ALWAYS. The perfect hat, the matching coat, shoes, and umbrella… she is never less than 5000% on fleek. I like to imagine her getting out of bed at 6:30 in the morning to pick up the corgi poop in the backyard, already dressed like that.
5 False Fact 11: She Loves The Sweet, Sweet Taste Of Children
Odd as it may sound, this next meme just reeks of Gordon Ramsay. You’re probably familiar with the super-savage British chef, notorious for his incessant swearing and impatience with his trainee cooks. He’ll land on their slightest mistakes like a sumo wrestler, and rip them to shreds with insults. With children, on the other hand, that exterior melts entirely, and he’s incredibly sweet.
Here, we seem to be getting a glimpse of the Queen’s gentler, more human and approachable side. This whole image might be suggesting that she’s going to cook the kids in the oven of her gingerbread kitchen, but let’s look beyond that. Let’s look at that kind smile; that sweet grandma face she’s got going in here. I’d call that a kindly smile, anyway.
4 False Fact 12: She Only Smiles Once Every Eight Years
Speaking of kindly smiles, that’s something we don’t see all that often from Elizabeth. Granted, I’m never invited over to the palace for a drink, myself, so I can’t tell you what she’s like at home, but you know the air she gives off at public events. A stiff, dignified wave here, a curtsey nod there. I can’t imagine her head-banging along with her subjects in a mosh pit somewhere, can you?
Most official press photos of Elizabeth portray her as super serious, as though she’s constantly posing for a passport picture (which she doesn’t need, let's be real).
A genuine, beaming smile from Her Majesty is a rare and beautiful thing, and it makes for a great meme when one does come along, doesn't it?
3 False Fact 13: She’s ALSO Also The Queen Of Photobombing
In the last entry, we were talking about Elizabeth’s rarely-glimpsed super happy face. Your chances of getting a cheesy grin from the Queen are like your chances of coming across a unicorn, Jimmy Hoffa, and a yeti while out hiking.
Photobombs, I guess, are a little more plausible. After all, as soon as Her Majesty steps through the door, umpteen billion camera lenses swivel in her direction. In among all of that, there are always going to be some photobomb incidents.
I’m not sure quite how this one came about, but we don’t question these things. We just enjoy them. I wonder if these two ladies had any idea that their picture was going to feature a celebrity cameo. Still, it did, and that’s the important thing. Another +1 for Her Majesty’s sense of humor.
2 False Fact 14: She’s Been World Chess Champ For 12 Years Running
Generally speaking, I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for anything too complex from my memes. No obscure literary references, preachiness, scientific jargon or anything like that. My favorite meme, to give you an idea of my comedy preferences, is the one with Bear Grylls in various survival situations. "Better drink my own pee," is a memeing masterclass.
This one, I would say, is another meme done right. Nothing overdone, just a solid witty premise knocked out of the park. As I’m sure you know, in chess, the queen is the most powerful piece on the board, and holds all the power. The king, by contrast, can’t do much of anything.
With all of that in mind, this shot of Elizabeth venturing onto a chessboard-patterned floor was just asking for a memeing.
1 False Fact 15: She Teaches Advanced Queen-ing On The Weekends
As we’ve seen throughout this piece, there’s a lot more to Elizabeth than her demure demeanor may suggest. She’s a sassy, ballsy, Range Rover-driving legend of a monarch. In my eyes, whatever your views on the royals, that’s something to recognise.
That’s all well and good, but you also need an experienced monarch. The person in the office who knows where the toner is, what the darn code for the wifi is, and can comfort the new people when they have a breakdown in the supply closet at lunch. Elizabeth is that monarch.
She’s been in this job for over 60+ years, as we saw earlier. She can teach the new blood a thing or two, that’s for darn sure. Here she is, passing on some of her invaluable wisdom to the next generation.