I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but we’re all going to die. Sure it would be great if we could live forever. We would never have to worry about running out of time to do this thing or accomplish that thing. We could fail as many times as we wanted to without having to wonder if we would ever get the chance to try something else. We could work until we had enough money to travel the world and then we could quit our job and hop from country to country, get another job when we were finished, and then repeat the same process again. Unfortunately, the day will come when we finally get to partake in that eternal rest. And when this happens our loved ones will come together to celebrate our life and bury our body in its final resting place. And from that day forward a tombstone will mark our place in the ground. Most people will choose something simple as an indicator of their new home, but others choose to go out with a punch(line).
15. It Could Have Been Avoided
The story of the boy who cried wolf is told so that people can learn the importance of telling the truth. If you lie too often then nobody will believe you when you really are being honest. Hypochondriacs will often times have nothing physically wrong with them, but their mental illness causes them to think that they have physical ailments. If you know anybody who has this disorder then you also know that you don’t believe them when they say that there’s something wrong with them. They’ve said that they were sick so many times and there was nothing wrong with them then, and because of this, you don’t believe them when they come to you and tell you about their latest illness. The person who owns this tombstone claimed sickness so often that no one thought that they were being truthful. Their family and friends probably even laughed at them behind their back, but in the end they were right.
14. Suited And Booted For Nothing
Everybody has their belief systems, and that’s okay. Some of us choose to worship a god or gods, while others of us don’t. Atheists don’t believe that any deity exists and because of this they don’t think that they’ll go to an afterlife where they’ll be greeted by some all-powerful being. That means when they pass away they really won’t be taking anything with them. They cease to exist so they won’t need those fancy clothes that they were buried in. It will just be wasted in the casket as the rest of their body decays. Their friends and family will be able to appreciate them in it when they look at them one last time, but it really won’t do them any good for where they think they’re going. The ground will have just gained one more nice outfit.
13. What Really Happens After You Die
It doesn’t matter how much faith you may have because at the end of the day, no one really knows what happens after you die. You can say that when you approach death’s door you’re going to either see the God or the Devil, but you won’t know until you get there. You may think that you may be reincarnated, but you won’t find out until you pass on. Ultimately, the only people who know what happens when you’re dead are those of us who have died. And because we don’t have a real way of getting into contact with those people, we’re stuck in some kind of limbo where we have our own beliefs about the next step that occurs after we stop breathing, but there’s no way to know for sure while we’re still living.
12. Yes It Does
I’ve never done it before, but I would assume that dying sucks. When you do it, you leave behind everything that you know and love. All of your friends and family are stuck here on earth without you so you can’t do anything with them. It’s like FOMO to the extreme! They’ll be living it up and existing on earth, while you’re stuck in the ground doing nothing from now until the end of time. You’ll never be able to go to your favorite hangouts again. You can never eat your favorite dish again. And the worst part is, unless you’ve done something spectacular with your life, your memory will one day die along with you. When everyone that you’ve ever known has passed on, chances are that so will your legacy. If that doesn’t suck then I don’t know what does.
11. Apparently Chain Messages Really Do Work
Do you remember when chain messages were a thing? You would check your phone and see a new text from your friend, and you would instantly get excited to discover what your buddy had to say. And then when you opened it up, you realized the horrible mistake you had made. The text always began with something like, “since you’ve started reading this, you can’t stop.” Sometimes the words that followed were a scary story, other times it was something less intense. But whatever the middle part of it said, the end always said the same thing, “forward this to x amount of people or y and z will happen to you.” And the consequence for not forwarding it was always something serious like death. Most of us were able to avoid death’s grasp when we failed to keep the sequence going. Apparently some of us weren’t as lucky.
10. Disappointed Even In Death
Pyramids were created as tombs for Egyptian royalty. These individuals were so important in their society that they made a bunch of people literally work for decades to build their final resting place. This person wanted the royal treatment too, so they requested to have one built for them when their time finally came to join the Egyptian pharaohs and queens in the afterlife. Unfortunately for them, their loved ones didn’t have the time, man power, or funds to make their dream a reality. They were stuck with a normal headstone just like the rest of us will have when we die. At least they were able to choose the message that was on it. Now whenever, someone passes by their tombstone, they’ll know just how disappointed they were when they died.
9. Always Look On The Bright Side
As with everything in life, there’s something positive that you can take away from a bad situation. If you break up with your partner you may be sad, but you can go out and find someone even better to be with. If your job decides to let you go, you can go in search of one that’s even better. And if you’re going through something that’s uncomfortable, if it keeps happening long enough then you’ll get used to it and it won’t be so bad. Murphy was probably a little bit scared towards the end of his life as he approached the unknown, but now that he’s been down there in the ground for thirty years he’s become accustomed to it. Hell, he might even be enjoying it!
8. A Brotherly Bond
Butt brothers are two guys who enjoy the adult company of each other, but these two bros decided that they would use this phrase to mark their final resting place. At some point people probably made fun of them for their last name, but after living with that identity for their entire life, they learned to embrace it. They knew that people were going to be teasing them, so instead of rolling over and becoming offended by it, they went with it. These gentlemen went as far as to keep the joke going from 1976 until the end of time. Now whenever someone walks by their grave they can laugh and experience a moment of joy all because of Ralph R. Jr. and Roger F. and their sense of humor.
7. Keep In Touch
When kids want to joke around and have a little bit of scary fun, they’ll purchase a Ouija board so that they can “communicate” with the dead. All the letters in the alphabet, a list of numbers (0-9), and the words “yes,” “no,” “hello,” and “goodbye” are on the piece of cardboard. The individuals who are playing will then place their hand on the planchette that comes with the game and they will ask the spirits questions and the little trinket will start to move around to answer the question that has been asked. It’s creepy enough if you choose to do it at home, but it would be exponentially creepier if you did it in a graveyard. This person wanted people to be able to experience it, so they built a giant version of it as their tombstone,
6. Punny ‘Til The End
There are some names out there that just beg for you to make puns out of. John Yeast knew that he had one of them, so he decided to use it to his advantage. His last name is a kind of organism that can be used in baking to help dough rise. Because his surname is the type of fungi that we all equate with rising, he decided to let everyone know that he couldn’t do the very thing that his identity suggests that he should be able to do. Because he’s dead, he’ll be laying down for all of time. He won’t be able to get up (unless he becomes a zombie), so his tombstone is incredibly punny but it is also very true.
5. That’s Such A Grandma Way Of Putting It
When you get older, you may start to understand why old people say certain phrases. You used to laugh at your parents and grandparents when they said these things, but one day you woke up and realized that you were saying it too because it was applicable to your own life. When you would call out your grandpa or grandma for falling asleep in the middle of doing an activity they would say that they were just resting their eyes. You knew they were sleeping, but this was a way for them to make themselves feel a little bit better for dozing off during something that was important. Gloria M. Russell probably said this many times in her life, but she wanted to let everyone know one last time what she was really doing.
4. Buried Six Feet Under
There’s no light underground (unless it’s artificial) because there’s no sun there. That means that when you die and they put you in a casket and bury you six feet under the surface, it’ll be black. They won’t put a light with you because you’ll be dead and you won’t need it. And even if they did put one in there with you, it would eventually go out and your body (or what’s left of it) would remain in total darkness. This person’s tombstone simply states the obvious, but that’s the reason why it’s so funny. Everyone knows that it’s dark down there, but it’s amusing that this person actually took the time to decide that this is what they wanted to have everyone see when they walked past their headstone.
3. Killed By Her Own Two Feet
Women who walk around in heels have probably said this phrase more times than they can count. These shoes are cute but they’re not comfortable at all. When you put them on, you forget momentarily how much pain you were in the last time you wore them. All you care about when you glance down at your feet is how amazing they look, but after walking in them for an hour or more you remember why you told yourself you were going to wear flats next time. So you tell yourself the same thing again, but this scenario will ultimately end up repeating itself. You would think that we would learn and stop wearing them, but being stylish seems to be more important for a lot of us than being comfortable is. This woman was so stylish that she ended up paying the ultimate price.
2. She Was Ready To Go
If you’ve lived a good life and believe in God, then you may not be afraid of dying. You’re pretty sure that because you’ve followed the rules of the bible as best as you could that you’ll end up going to heaven when you die. This thought will even bring you comfort as you approach your final days. Instead of running away from the light, you’ll go towards it because you think that at the end of that tunnel you’ll see your Lord and savior Jesus Christ. That’s why when the big man upstairs called Kim she answered in a hurry. She wanted to be up there too so there was no way that she was just going to let that call go to voicemail.
1. The Final Message
When you’re watching TV, right before a show goes to commercial sometimes you’ll hear someone say “we’ll be right back after these messages.” No one ever likes hearing this because it means that you will have to sit through ad after ad after ad for a bunch of different products that you have absolutely no interest in buying. That’s why you usually get up and do a few things so that you can at least be a little bit productive while you’re impatiently waiting for your program to come back on from the break. Merv Griffin had a message to give after his life was over, but because he was dead there would be no more memos to come after he gave that final one.
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