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A Little Subtlety Will Go A Long Way - 20 Wedding Dresses That Were Way Too Much

Fashion is art, and art is subjective. However, wedding days are supposed to be free of judgment as the couple creates an environment out of their ideal details. Regardless, this doesn’t prevent us from questioning the thought processes on certain choices.

A bride’s gown is the most significant visual detail in a wedding, drawing attention to the most stunning member of the ceremony’s ensemble. Interestingly, wedding dresses did not turn into the classic white gowns that they are now until the Victorian era. Prior to that, they were eccentric and multi-colored, showcasing the wearer with the utmost extravagance.

Perhaps that is what the brides in these photos were attempting to recreate. Despite these modern dresses missing the mark for class, most of them display innovation and creativity to offer a sense of style that is unparalleled. No exaggerations here. Balloons, flags, edible attire, and airbrushed flames might all be in season as the next big dress adornments, so watch out.

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20 The Diaper

via Pinterest

In a world with so much pollution and excess trash, it’s good to practice buying items that are multifunctional. Instead of buying a gown that will take up all of our closet space, why not go for one made entirely out of diapers? Planning ahead is important for families, and with three babies, we can never underestimate the amount of disposable material it takes to prevent their waste from finding its way onto everything in the house.

Gone are the days of plain diapers, and this bride obviously chose to add some flair with these colorful characters! What about those diapers that change color when wet? If we're no longer feeling one shade during the ceremony, we can just have the officiator hose us down!

It also looks like she might have a washcloth on her head, which is good because hygiene is important. Good mothers know that there are sacrifices to be made in life, and choosing a practical gown is one of them. What a joy it’ll be when the kids in this photo get older and come across these photos, only to admire them before posting a #tbt on whatever social media platform is popular at the moment. While this look is shocking at first glance, this lady knows what she’s doing!

19 Wool you marry me?

It looks like Little Bo-Peep has finally stopped losing those sheep of hers! That sheep sure is excited to be in attendance, despite not being able to see the merriment of the day’s events under all of that wool. Perhaps the sheep is just happy to make it out of the dream world where people count him jumping until they can fall asleep. Maybe that's like purgatory for sheep.

Clearly this woman just wanted to utilize her friend’s fine wool, and maybe she has a good reason. What if she owns a wool production company, and it’s a tough industry? Maybe she’s trying to be more innovative, and break into that Etsy market. And what better way to do that than at her own wedding where all eyes will be on her?

However, it does feel like she skimped on some details. The top could use more curly wooly bits, and what about her hair? Why not style it up like those sheep with the twisted horns? There are just so many options with this theme, and if she's going to rock a unique look like this, then she has to be willing to commit. Weddings are about commitment, after all. The flowers look pretty minimal, too. Did a sheep eat those? Perhaps that’s what he’s smiling about. He’s the real star today.

18 Red, White, and I do.

The only way that this dress could work for a wedding was if Betsy Ross came back from the grave to sew it herself. That would be impressive—who doesn’t love a good supernatural American icon? Otherwise, it’s a bit difficult to understand why anyone would have to display their patriotism in this specific way. What about tiny American flags at each guest table, or even a cake that honors the flag? Okay, American flag earrings at the most. Perhaps it’s a comment to all of those who say that marriage destroys freedom, because this flag is supposed to represent freedom!

“Supposed to” being the key words here.

That could be clever. Maybe it’s the something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue all in one? Or what if she’s just living her dream of being crowned Miss America? I’m pretty sure that this dress was never in the evening gown category, though. However, if your guests have to go home and write a thesis on the myriad themes and messages your dress is trying to express, it might be too much. It looks like she has the matching cape and purse to match, so maybe the true statement here is that she’s a bride-superhero fusion.

17 You can wear your cake and eat it, too

When it comes to multi-functional gowns, this one takes the cake! Okay, not the best joke, but the gown probably tasted lovely. However, what happens when the guests have devoured the layers? What if they never stop, accidentally consuming the bride in an act of unforgivable cannibalism! If that doesn’t happen, there’s still a chance that someone could cut a little too much.

On the other hand, what if there is a considerable amount of leftovers? Is the bride left to wait it out, and watch as ants crawl up to carry tiny pieces away to their ant families? Should she stand in the fridge to prevent the cake from getting stale? It also looks like the cake is made out of several layers that do not color-coordinate. Perhaps the guest list is picky and they all want their own individual flavors.

If they wanted to eat food off of someone, maybe they should have just hired an entertainer, and not stifled the bride from any semblance of mobility. In the event that she had to eat her way out, I hope that she didn’t get a lifetime of cavities. Weddings are expensive enough as it is! Unless her partner is a dentist, in which case free dental care!

16 Orange you glad you said yes?

Orange: it’s the color that pops, am I right? Who doesn’t want to stand out on their wedding day? Choose this dress and you won’t have to worry about flicking off fallen bits of Cheeto dust after your pre-ceremony snack. It’s also a great way to remind your guests to eat more oranges! After all, they’re really good for you. So not only do you get a unique wedding dress, it comes with so many benefits! This dress also seems to resemble orange roses, which are less common than red. As a result, this matching couple just comes off as being even more original.

While the bride opted for a more creamsicle approach, her groom committed to the style full throttle.

Aside from his hat, which clearly did not get the memo. Better yet is his pose, a not-so-subtle “shh,” as if telling onlookers, “I know, we look great, your applause is not needed.” The background also appears to have hints of orange, unless that’s an illusion brought on by all the highlighter shades. Do you think their house is painted the same way? Bright colors are supposed to signify happiness, so maybe this is all just symbolism for a happy marriage. Either that or they just want to give their guests an excuse for wearing sunglasses indoors.

15 Look out, Ariel

Where would this woman's partner even place the ring? There are so many options when your dress is just covered in tentacles. It’s unfortunate that humans only have two arms, and now both of hers are stuck playing puppet master. The bottom layer also looks like a jellyfish, but reversed. Or perhaps she’s supposed to be an insect instead? An elegantly dressed insect, like one of the poisonous ones that tempt you with its beauty, only to emit a lethal toxin into your system.

Is it supposed to be a take on the black widow spider, but instead one with white coloring?

Like, a black widow who isn’t truly mourning her loss because she was the perpetrator all along. The woman in the photo looks too frazzled to partake in all of that. She’s just trying to make it down the runway without tripping on all of her extra legs. It’s a surprise that humans have evolved so much while lacking so many clearly crucial limbs. Models would never trip on the runway if they had eight legs to balance it all out. Hopefully when she got to the end she either created a giant web or covered the audience in a cloud of ink.

14 Soak it in

For years, companies that provide products such as tampons have tried to get people to hide their body’s natural processes. They’ve made colorful wrappers and created discreet pouches for carrying the products along. However, the times are evolving and we are loud and proud when it comes to displaying these tampons! Introducing the tampon wedding gown! Perfect for the modern bride. The train is just one long string, and the bows add that little flair that is missing from typical tampons.

The woman in the photo is holding her hands in prayer, signifying her hope of a healthy cycle.

Many couples hope for pregnancy in their futures after marriage, and what better way to start thinking about tracking your most fertile days than with a dress that forces guests to remember your bodily functions? Some brides might worry about Aunt Flow showing up on the wedding day, but with a gown like this you can walk down the aisle with stains galore, and guests will just think it’s part of the aesthetic! Be sure to include tampons in all of the gift bags, and throw a red velvet cake in for that extra gag! Which hopefully doesn’t turn into actual gagging.

13 This wedding's gonna be lit

It’s true, the airbrushed flame patterns that were cool 15 years ago are making a major comeback. However, this crazy pattern might not be rising so far out of the depths of hell that they should be gracing a wedding dress. Unless the bride really loves Hot Wheels. Because who doesn’t love collecting tricked out plastic cars?

In this case, I wonder why there isn’t a long train attached to this dress that incorporates a freeway loaded with tiny Hot Wheels cars. It’s just another missed opportunity! Why aren't these brides taking things seriously?

I’d also like to know who exactly airbrushed this dress, because the flames transform into squiggly diamonds as they rise up. Started from the bottom, now we’ve run out of effort to put into the fine details. It’s not all bad, though. As the kids say, this gown is lit. I mean, if you want the spotlight, there’s no better way than to use the original source of light, which would be fire. At least she didn’t use actual flames, that would've been truly disastrous. Do you think the front looks even better? I’d expect no less than Godzilla himself rising out of the fire and evoking chaos upon all.

12 This wedding is gonna blow up on Pinterest

Wedding dresses weighing you down? Say no more! Head to a kid’s birthday party, run over to the magician and simply ask for this crafty little number! If you’re really looking for that extra lift, have the magician use helium! However, going with this option will definitely force you to avoid pointed objects, open flames, and life in general. No cutting the cake for you, definitely no roses with all of their dangerous thorns and don’t even attempt to allow children to hold the train of a dress made from balloons!

They’ll be stepped on, and the noise will echo throughout the hall.

This will cause an unwanted surprise to any guests that thought you might have opted for a traditional setup. Also remember that you absolutely, under no circumstances, may sit down. This is a work of art, and art isn’t meant to be destroyed so carelessly! Finally, clowns might materialize at some point during the reception, but remember that you are wearing natural clown bait. This could be perfect if your partner is an actual clown, though. How does one avoid being haunted by Pennywise? Marry him. Wouldn't it be romantic to look into his deadlights as you say, "I do float."

11 Who Cares Anyway?

via pinterest

It’s the American dream: getting married in short-shorts and a crop top while your partner is in a leather vest and little else. While all that's happening, crocodiles play in the murky swamp only inches away. Or was that not it?

Weddings usually take place during the summer, and we all know how humid areas around swamps can be, so can you blame this couple for their lack of clothing? It might be informal, but it looks like the guests got the memo. They probably even appreciated the fact that they probably didn’t need to buy anything new to attend this ceremony. After all, it’s better to spend that money on the honeymoon.

You know, the one where you ride your four-wheelers through the mud and get inner tubes for the lazy river that is the green swamp. If you’re lucky, the crocodiles might let you ride on their backs for fun! It looks like they already ate everyone’s clothing anyway, so they probably aren’t hungry anymore. Also, are those green bracelets from a concert or something? This actually seems like a pretty fun wedding that's just filled with a lack of caring about the finer details. Who wants to stress about that stuff anyway?

10 She is knot to be messed with

The word “runway” looks a lot like “run away.” However, the designer who made this dress was smarter than to allow that to happen. Nobody wants their models running out on them on the stage! One wrong move and you they'll end up  falling and can't get up! Now that I think about it, this dress is very reminiscent of Beauty and the Beast. Perhaps if humans were flame retardant, we could set some nice candle wicks up and have a Lumière-inspired gown.

This choice of wedding dress could also create the optical illusion that you are effortlessly floating down the aisle.

Who wouldn't be impressed by levitation skills? This particular gown is probably expensive, but luckily it seems that you can recreate it with a thrifted, wrinkled wedding gown and a rubber band disguised with silk, which you can find at your local craft store! Or if you’re really in a bind, spray paint a trash bag white! We love a money-saving queen. You’re welcome. However, this model is definitely offering those vibes of confidence, so you’ll have to be willing to serve those looks as well, or risk leaving this ensemble incomplete.

9 The Belly

via pinterest

The eyes might be the window to the soul, but this dress is a window to the soul growing inside of this woman. You should get a free pass on most decisions when you’re pregnant. The keyword here being "most." This one is still hard to understand, but don’t we all want to include our children in these moments of a lifetime?

Perhaps they hooked her up to an ultrasound as the vows were recited, because tiny developing humans are infinitely more interesting than listening to vows of eternal love and whatever else they’re supposed to be promising to one another. The expression on this bride’s face says that she might not know what’s going on either. But we’ve got to go with the flow.

Did the dress mysteriously rip? What if it was sabotaged? Maybe a jealous bridesmaid took out the scissors at the last moment. Either way, heading down the aisle like this means that this woman had some serious courage, and confidence. Y'know, despite missing heaps of dress material. At least this wedding day is forever burned into the guests’ memories. And that’s all we can hope for on our wedding day: to be remembered for the bold decisions we made.

8 It's a nice day for a multi-coloured wedding

The well-known question, “What’s your favorite color?” is mainly for children. Or usually awkward people on a first date who are trying to break the ice somehow. Any adult knows that all of the colors are great, but when it’s too difficult to pick just one, you have to go with all of them. Instead of a bouquet, consider throwing a pot of gold. Your friends will love you just a little bit more, and it’ll fit the theme.

Why wait around for a rainbow to appear when you can be the rainbow yourself?

Instead of throwing rice, should the guests throw Skittles, allowing you to effectively taste the rainbow as well as wear it? There are just so many different directions that can arise from this design. The possibility of themes is kind of limitless. My only real criticism of this gown is that the veil isn’t a cloud. Also, why doesn’t the bride look excited? After all, she's radiating the colors of the universe! Smiling should be guaranteed with a dress like this. I wonder what color her shoes are, and if they fit the rainbow theme. What about her partner? We need more photos of this wedding.

7 This wedding is gonna have atmo-spheres

This dress is perfect for concealing your limbs! In the age of phones that are operated through voice command, those limbs have become useless anyway. Despite this dress looking like it was made from very, very thin material, it doesn’t appear to be transparent. That alone is a great achievement in and of itself. Form might take over function in this ensemble, but no one can dock points for originality.

Perhaps this dress is meant to pay homage to caterpillars? Those little friends are pretty cool, and sometimes poisonous, just like what a marriage can potentially be! They also love plants, and this dress (if it can even be considered as such) is adorned with them!

She’s gazing lovingly at her partner, who loves wearing pink jumpsuits and moon shoes apparently. He's also carrying the tabloids around, but they're all rolled up so you don’t quite know what rumors he’s honing in on. Perhaps when she finally breaks free, of this cocoon dress, she will emerge as a butterfly, dazzling onlookers with her stunning wings. Or maybe this dress is just some pods stacked atop one another. Regardless, it’s eye-catching, pleasantly colored and unique. All the things that a wedding dress should have.

6 I'm a big fan of this dress

Is there anything in this world more attractive than a woman with a strong spine and great posture? The answer is no, definitely not. Say goodbye to the times of worrying about how you’re going to get in shape for the big ceremony. By wearing this dress for just thirty minutes everyday, your body will be in absolutely perfect shape. Never mind the grueling pain, you need to be ready for your big day!! In the avian world, it is male birds like peacocks, who must display their great plumage in order to attract a mate.

But for humans, it’s anyone’s game! 

Sweep the love of your life off their feet by carrying heavy feathers around throughout the night. You might even want to practice a mating ritual dance to really show your guests that you mean business. Polish it all off with a wand and headdress, and you’ve got a show-stopping ensemble! Remove the feathers, and you could also look like a fancy high school band leader. The possibilities are endless, just like your marriage. Maybe. If the price on this dress is too much for you, just crouch down low and follow an actual peacock. Humans just weren’t made to be that elegant, and it’s time to face it.

5 Come on and slam

Have you ever dreamt of walking down the aisle while advertising your favorite sports team? If so, head to your local sports store, grab a tube top with their logo and add some crepe paper to the ends! It’s a DIY that’s almost entirely fool proof. Your team might even enjoy it so much that they might end up end up sponsoring your wedding! You should never underestimate the power of social media once you get that photo out there.

Some people think that weddings should focus on the person that they love rather than your own personal interests. But who says that there isn’t room for all of it, huh? You could house the rings in a basketball-turned-ring-holder, have a player slam dunk as you kiss your spouse, and take the reception to a basketball court. Which is better than a divorce court. Probably.

The gifts for the guests could also get really creative here, and if you had the money, you could give them all a nice basketball hoop to install in their yard. If you’re short on cash, those chocolates wrapped in basketball-colored foil work just as well, and they’re probably at the dollar store right now.

4 No bride stands a ghost of a chance

The teen paranormal romance genre has really infiltrated the fashion industry it would seem. This dress puts a modern twist on a classic Halloween costume: the ghost that is actually just a white bed sheet with two holes for the eyes. I think everyone can appreciate the fact that this option incorporates a great peripheral view, which is a huge upgrade from the past installations on this iconic look. However, is this dress just a hint of foreshadowing?

Does the bride to be plan on ghosting their partner on the day of the wedding?

You know what they say about getting cold feet! It’s probably best to be upfront about your feelings, though, and not plot these hints for the actual wedding day. Let us also take a look at the accessory that's perched on top of the veil. It kind of looks like a bow that wants to be tiny cat ears. A cat-ghost is definitely a look to consider, very nuanced and sure to capture the attention of guests who wonder what the heck is going on. Is there perhaps a tail that's dragging behind her? Maybe that’s what the onlookers are focused on. They are very jealous.

3 The Fairy Godmother

Do you think they rolled out the yellow brick road for this one? Fairy godmothers are supposed to grant you wishes, not turn you into their mirror image. It’s also probably bad luck to smother your groom on the wedding day. But if we’re sticking to this Wizard of Oz theme, then I guess it’s just in line with how the house smothered the Wicked Witch of the East.

I can see it now. There’s a saying about how all girls want to look like princesses on their wedding day, and if you squint and tilt your head, you can almost ignore the wand and her baffled expression. She might be confused as to why all 30 miles of her dress won’t fit into the carriage, but she should have probably seen this coming. I wonder what her prom dress looked like.

Maybe she was only Dorothy back then, and we’ve come a long way to reach this. “Less is more” doesn’t always make sense, but in this case, it probably would have. On the bright side, she won’t have to wait ‘til death do them part if things don’t work out—she can just continue suffocating him and hide the evidence in the dress.

2 The Inconvenient Placement

Remember when you had a piece of toilet paper stuck to your foot upon coming out of the bathroom? And then you didn't notice it for a while and everyone teased you about it? Now imagine if the toilet paper was stuck up your behind and just freely flowing out of your outfit. now take that image, and add to the fact tht this is happening on your wedding day! That’s what this dress looks like. An otherwise elegant design has been altered by the placement of fabric that is just slightly off.

It also resembles a spider web, which is not something that would be cute if it were crawling out of you-know-where.

No matter how you see it, the fabric is a visual cue, an arrow of sorts, screaming, “Look over here!” However, maybe the owner of this gown is proud of the lengths she went to in order to achieve this behind. It could have taken months of squats, and the attention is meant to be pulled to that general area. The bride appears to be enjoying her decision on that nice, black and white day, so who am I to judge? After all, we owe a lot to toilet paper and spiders. They clean up the things that we don’t want to deal with. This is actually a great tribute dress.

1 The Phantom of the Opera is shook

If she’s trying to get into a themed party celebrating Eyes Wide Shut or Silent Hill, then she definitely got it right. Except for the fact that the designer missed the mark for adding shoes, this is easily the look of the future. Does it symbolize the amount of partners whose lives she’s mercilessly destroyed? Or is it a more peaceful metaphor, which expresses the growth that she’s undergone throughout her life? These experiences which expand from her interior and draw more emphasis to her personality than her looks.

The first option would make a better mystery novel, honestly. The top “accessory” also resembles a disheveled wasps’ nest, and who doesn’t love being chased by swarms of insects? However, you could opt out of getting a train for the dress, and just allow those wasps to think that you’re their home as they follow you down the aisle.

Your guests will be shocked and horrified, but who cares? You’re a modern bride and you love taking risks. Kissing this bride will prove to be a difficult feat, but PDA is gross anyway. Similarly to the diaper gown as seen earlier, this ensemble can be repurposed for events such as Halloween parties, making it both practical and stylish.

References: pinterest, odd stuff magazine

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