20 Marvel Toys We’d Never Give Our Children

The Marvel brand has always been popular but, over the last few years, it has jumped immensely thanks to the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. With millions of new fans, many of them young, the selection of toys has grown to match the demand.

Action figures have long been associated with comic books characters. Almost every single superhero will have been immortalized in toy form at one point or another. Many of these are high-quality replicas but there are some instances when the quality doesn’t quite live up to expectations.

There are all kinds of reasons that you wouldn’t want to give these bad toys to your kids. They might be dangerous or of low quality. In fact, some Marvel toys have been just plain inappropriate for children. One thing is clear, though, no child deserves to get one of these as a gift.

20 Skirt-Free Gwen Stacy

Skirt-Free Gwen Stacy
via reddit.com

This toy is supposed to show Gwen Stacy from the Spider-Man comics. The main problem is that it looks nothing like any incarnation of the character but rather a Barbie doll with a different hairstyle. Even if this toy did look better, though, it still wouldn’t be a good gift for a child as the skirt can be completely removed to show Gwen’s underwear for some reason.

19 Standard Bruce Banner Figure

Standard Bruce Banner Figure
via ebay.com

Imagine you are a child who has watched Avengers and asked for an action figure of one of the superheroes. You wake up and open your gift to find this, Bruce Banner pre-Hulk transformation. Nobody wants a normal person in a smart-casual suit as a toy even if they are an amazing scientist.

18 Don’t Squeeze This Spider-Man

Don’t Squeeze This Spider-Man
via reddit.com

This Spider-Man toy is an example of a toy that managed to make it to production without a single person recognizing the eyebrow-raising placement of one of the parts. Obviously, there are few places where Spider-Man could shoot from on his body but his crotch is definitely not the best solution.

17 The Power Of Hulk

The Power Of Hulk
via imgur.com

Hulk is an incredibly powerful character and yet that is completely lost on this action figure. It is disjointed and distorted to the extent that it looks nothing like the character. That’s not to mention the sheer look of hatred on the face that would probably scare a child rather than give them any enjoyment.

16 Terrifying Aunt May Figure

Terrifying Aunt May Figure
via gizmodo.com

There’s little reason why anyone would want an Aunt May toy. Never mind one that looks this horrifying. Someone at Marvel thought it would be a good idea to create an action figure of the moment from the comics when she confronted her nephew Peter Parker with a gun. Combined with the utterly bizarre face, this is not exactly a toy children should be exposed to.

15 Scary Groot

Scary Groot
via toplessrobot.com

Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy is not a terrifying character. He provides plenty of light relief and in his younger form is downright adorable. You wouldn’t think it from this action figure. This is more likely to give a child nightmares rather than remind them of the excellent movies.

14 The Amazing Spader-Man

The Amazing Spader-Man
via reddit.com

Even if you can look past the poor quality of this toy and the fact this his face is only partially covered for some reason, you would be hard-pressed to give this to a child and expect a thank you. Any kid would just not be able to live down the name "Spader-Man" that is shown at the top.

13 Captain Iron Man

Captain Iron Man
via toplessrobot.com

Somebody somewhere definitely got the wrong memo. This toy mixes together elements of both Iron Man and Captain American to create a true monstrosity of an action figure. Trust us, no child will be satisfied with this terrible knock-off. Better just to get them one of the two choices rather than a combination of the two.

12 Rocket Blasted Spider-Man

Rocket Blasted Spider-Man
via pinterest.com

Spider-Man can swing through the city on his webs, meaning that a rocket-powered jet pack is not something that would necessarily be needed. Children might be able to get over that problem, although they likely wouldn’t appreciate the burned look that Spider-Man has with his costume looking very much like it was an afterthought.

11 A Ready To Rumble Professor X

A Ready To Rumble Professor X
via reddit.com

Charles Xavier, otherwise known as Professor X, is not someone who tends to get involved in close combat. He is a wheelchair user who is a talented telepathic. It begs the question then why the hands-on this action figure are so large. It isn’t like he is going to get into a boxing match and he never appears this bulky in any media.

10 Skimpy Scarlet Witch

Skimpy Scarlet Witch
via thefwoosh.com

Scarlet Witch has become a prominent hero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Any kids who want to get a toy of her to play with might be confused with this action figure, however. It is very inappropriate for youngsters that the character is essentially just wearing her underwear, with her chest and legs on display.

9 Punisher And His Big Weapon

Punisher And His Big Weapon
via zimbio.com

There is an obvious problem with this action figure of Punisher. The weapon on his front is clearly positioned in a way that would make it not suitable for a child to play with. Whoever missed this during the quality assurance might want to go and get their eyes checked.

8 Astral Doctor Strange

Astral Doctor Strange
via playboy.com

Your child has just watched the MCU film Doctor Strange. They want a toy based on the film to play with and then you go and get them this Astral Plane figure. While it is true that Doctor Strange does go translucent when in this spiritual world, maybe representing that in action figure form was not the best idea as you cannot even tell who this toy is supposed to be.

7 Blow Up Wolverine

Blow Up Wolverine
via playboy.com

Toys often have to go through a number of revisions and quality control checks before going into production. Somehow, this Marvel toy featuring Wolverine didn’t set off any alarm bells despite the suspicious placement of the blow hole. It just wouldn’t be a great look to see a kid inflating this toy with their mouth.

6 Beach Ready Spider-Man

Beach Ready Spider-Man
via reddit.com

Any child who received this beach-ready Spider-Man would probably never live down the embarrassment. The amazing web-slinger is shown without his traditional suit. Instead, he has shorts, a vest, and beach ball so that he can enjoy a fun-filled day in the sunshine. Not exactly what being a superhero is all about.

5 A Life-Size Captain America Shield

A Life-Size Captain America Shield
via hasbro.com

Hasbro produced this replica Captain America shield. As you can see, it is a life-size replica of the actual one used in the movies. This poses a number of problems as it is not only expensive but is also very big and heavy. As it isn’t made from plastic but rather metal, it could easily cause injuries to anyone using it.

4 The Blob No One Wants

The Blob No One Wants
via imgur.com

There are a number of problems with this action figure of the Blob. Not only does he look disgusting, with roles of fat on every part of his body but he is also a terrible role model for children. Besides, there are few kids who would want to play with such a horrible toy.

3 Replica Wolverine Claws

Replica Wolverine Claws
via amazon.com

No parent would ever get their child these replica Wolverine claws. Not only are they made of metal, and therefore heavy and dangerous, the shape means they could easily cause injuries to the user or anyone around them. Children would obviously want to play with them and recreate moves that Wolverine does so these are just an accident waiting to happen.

2 SWAT Spider-Man

SWAT Spider-Man
via unrealitymag.com

Most superheroes avoid using traditional weaponry, especially when it comes to guns. This is largely because they are marketed at children and adults tend not to want their kids exposed to such violence at a young age. That’s probably why this Spider-Man figure only costs $2 as no one was trying to buy it.

1 A Superhero Team Like No Other

A Superhero Team Like No Other
via imgur.com

No child is going to be happy getting this as a gift. The quality of the figures is poor and some don’t really look how they are supposed to. Yet, it is the selection of toys that is the real problem. Who wants a Spider-Man with a Power Ranger, Shrek, and Batman in the same box? You can’t recreate any movies or comics with those characters.

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