The term “squids” has its origins in surfing but has somehow become far more accepted among motorcycle buffs. In short, a squid is someone who vastly overestimates their abilities as a bike rider and doesn’t know it. They will be foolish to the point of reckless on the road, thinking dumb stunts are a great way to get attention and even brag about how many crashes they’ve been in. They’ll also have the worst dress sense, thinking things like leather and helmets are “uncool” and even shoes aren’t needed for bike riding.
It’s in modifications that squids really prove themselves. It’s not just using tacky colors or wraps for their bikes. Squids will instead go all out for mods that are, at best, useless and at worst, downright dangerous. Several mods make the bike look and perform far worse but the squids are under the delusion it brings out jealousy in other bikers. Here are 20 mods that squids love to prove why they’re the joke of the cycling world.
20 Music Anyone?
If you’re in a car, a top-notch stereo system is a must. But a motorcycle really doesn’t lend itself to listening to tunes on the road. Between the helmet and the roar of the road, it would be nearly impossible to hear the music at all. One would have to have it blasting loud enough to be heard for miles for it to be effective. A stereo on a bike is just a waste of space and a mistake squids make a lot.
19 What License Plate?
This pops up more and more and it’s always a big issue. It’s one thing to have the license plate on a bike hanging on the side or placed in a tricky area. But several squids will actually go to major lengths to hide their plates completely with special coverings. They’re even designed to fit in with the bike. The ignores the tiny fact that it’s illegal to do this and easily earns a biker a ticket. Covering up the plates is just a dumb move.
18 Damp the Steering
Sometimes, a steering damper is a good idea for a bike that lacks proper balance. But squids enjoy putting major dampers on bikes that already okay. That makes it harder with slower steering and actually increases the chances of an accident. It’s one of many bad moves squids make regarding what should be simple and obvious safety features. The bike’s appearance is one thing but messing with safety is just pure stupid.
17 Body Designs
Modding a bike’s outer appearance is a common move. Even some professional bikers can do well redesigning how it looks. But squids seem to think putting on frankly insane and complicated body mods look just fine. That includes making them look like everything from hamburgers to some sort of comic book vehicle. This ruins a bike’s balance and performance, slows it down and, frankly, just looks completely idiotic. That doesn’t stop squids from remaking their bikes so much.
16 Let It Roar
This is a squid move that’s become truly aggravating to others on the road. Somehow, squids don’t seem to understand what the term “mufflers” mean. They will not only want louder pipes but pay to have the exhaust enhanced to make the bike so loud, it can be heard coming from blocks away. They’ll claim it’s a good move to warn other bikers when it’s incredibly annoying, especially up close. It also hurts the engine itself as there’s a reason bike owners don’t make their hogs sound so loud.
15 Tainted Tint
Tint on the windshield isn’t too bad an idea. It helps on a sunny day and cuts down on some of the distractions of the road. Putting on a wrap or having it chemically treated is a smart move. Squids, however, tend to think a piece of a garbage bag somehow counts as a “tint.” The truly cheap will go right ahead and paint the entire viewscreen black as if somehow that does the job. It’s easy to spot a squid for how they think “solid black” is a good tint.
14 Pod Person
Thankfully, this isn’t as commonplace as it once was yet it still remains. It used to be that a carbureted GSX-R was not worthy without a set of pod filters, one for each carb. Sure they looked “racy” but they also ruined fueling and destroyed midrange to harm the bike’s performance. Today, improvements in fuel injection (not to mention common sense) has lowered this mod’s popularity but you’ll still see squids thinking a street bike has to look like a super engine.
13 Fancy Lights
The lights issues by squids can vary. Some can have constantly blinking headlights which are not just annoying but can be an issue for night riding. Others will deck out their undercarriage with enough LEDs to power a Vegas casino. It should be a no-brainer that lining that many lights onto your motorcycle is never a smart move as it can harm the engine and chassis and more of a mess in a crash. Some lights are good but a neon sign on wheels it not.
12 Tiny Mirrors
Some squid moves are truly astounding in how they seem to believe safety features are only a small suggestion. Driving any vehicle should make it obvious how vital mirrors are to know the road behind you and navigate traffic well. Yet squids will insist on putting on the smallest mirrors known to man on their bikes. Some even go so far as to do away with it altogether, insisting it makes the bike more streamlined and improves the speed. Which means they’re just going faster when they crash into someone behind them for lack of a reflection.
11 Spiked Ends
Motorcycles can be considered unsafe vehicles even under the best drivers. Somehow, squids decide to add to it by placing heavy sharp spikes onto the handlebars. That’s right, the area of the bike most likely to get damaged and they think having heavy spikes ready to plunge into someone is the best idea. This is another mod some states several frown upon to the point of fines and tickets. That’s no shock as even being tipped over in the parking lot can bring damage from this mod.
10 Get Shorty
Short levers only really work for some types of bikes. MotoGP machines are usually the best as it’s meant to be used by motorsport racers for fast changes. Having them placed on other bikes is not a good move as many are not designed to handle the style and the changes. It’s all too easy for a finger to slip and hit the wrong lever and suddenly your bike is smashing into traffic. It’s another squid move that just causes more trouble.
9 Decal Central
If one wants to put a simple and normal decal on a bike, that’s fine. Putting on one for a bike from a completely different manufacturer? Odd but ok. Leave it to squids to decide to slap on scores of decals on their bikes to make it look like a walking billboard. They’ll slap on decals for everything from bikes from totally different makers to just bizarre colors and patterns. While a couple of decals are okay, squids go way overboard which makes their bikes look worse.
8 Bigger is Better
There’s a tendency by car drivers to think that if they have bigger tires, the car operates better. Just look at the scores of regular cars fitted like monster trucks. That’s much worse for motorcycles as squids tend to insist on putting on tires nearly twice the size of the normal ones. They’ll claim it helps them go faster and handle the terrain better. The reality is that it throws off the bike’s balance and can even cause long-term damage with the bike unable to handle tires of this size. Bigger really isn’t better with bike tires.
7 Whip It Good
This is a trait many squids use as they assume it makes them look as cool and tough as motorcycle clubs. It’s a leather strap hanging from the side with the idea you can use it to “whip” at other riders and give yourself a wide berth. This ignores the tiny detail that such whips are openly banned in some states and can lead to a rider pulled over by the cops. If a squid wants to pay a huge fine for a useless mod, this is the way to do it.
6 Animal Fur
Some bike riders can do wraps that look like fur which isn’t too bad. However, some squids go the next level by putting actual animal fur onto their motorcycles. Not only is it incredibly tacky but fur tends to absorb a lot of moisture which can damage the bike itself. There’s also the obvious issues with some animal rights groups yet squids think fur on a bike makes it look so much cooler.
5 Plenty of Fiber
Few things instantly identify a squid more than a lot of carbon fiber on a bike. The defense is that replacing much of the bike with carbon fiber lowers the weight and thus increases speed. The tradeoff is actually so low that it’s barely worth talking about. It makes a bike very unattractive and ruins its original design while also being rather expensive. It’s just a costly fix that does nothing to aid the bike.
4 Hang It Up
Ape hangers can look good on the right bike. Quite a few classic Harley-Davidson and other models look terrific with larger handlebars. But many squids go to a truly insane level with them. They will have hangers that require them to reach very high out to grab. This makes it more painful for the arms and harder to maintain the bike’s balance. Several states have rules on how long hangers can be to prevent squids from stretching out too much.
3 Stretch It Out
Sometimes, stretching a motorcycle can help. Some bike owners may be too tall for a regular bike so expanding it for them can help. It can also aid in increasing the speed for racers. Squids think any bike is served better by stretching it, ignoring how that severely damages a bike’s performance. So many bikes are better off at a smaller size but squids assume stretching them out makes them a top performer.
2 Slam It Down
The entire “slammed” trend has gotten out of control. Sure, it can look fun to see a bike whose main body is barely an inch or two off the ground and, standing still, looks impressive. But actual riding it onto the road proves how dangerous this can be. Obviously, having the body that low increases the chances of a blowout and affects the reaction time. Slamming it down just adds to the chances of the squid running their bike.
1 Chrome Chaos
This is a classic case of squids mistaking that what works in a small degree naturally is much better going to the extreme. Yes, a few chrome parts can aid a bike by making it sturdier and tougher. Replacing nearly 80 percent of your bike with chrome parts is just idiotic. It’s massively costly and also weighs the bike down too much. That makes it harder to take curves and affects the response time of brakes and acceleration. Not to mention it just looks plain ugly and a true squid move.