New Year, Same Me: 15 People Who Already Failed Their New Year's Resolutions

The new year may just be an arbitrary day in the grand scheme of things and in our universe, but when it comes to be January 1st, it means that everyone gets a fresh new calendar and also a fresh new start. The turn of the year is a time for people to try and believe that they can change themselves for the better; a time to turn into a completely new person than they were "last" year (or, just a few days ago). Actions speak louder than words, and for most people, New Year resolutions turn out to be terribly weak. For some people, they can't even maintain their resolution for more than 30 minutes into the new year. These are some people that are saying, "New year, same me," in the year 2018. Better luck next year.

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15 The Food On The Cold, Hard Ground

As someone who also eats food off the floor a lot more often than I'd like to admit, I understand why this person wanted to stop doing that, but I also understand how they were able to fail at that resolution so quickly. It's so easy to drop food on the floor, especially if you're an accident-prone mess, but it's so hard to resist the urge to not eat the food dropped on the floor. It's food that could be consumed, and it just feels like such a waste to throw it out over nothing. Germs? Pshh, they have nothing on me. I haven't been sick in years, and I've been eating food I've dropped on the floor for longer than that. Also, we as a society have created the five-second rule which means that there is a nice timely threshold where you can consume the dropped food with no consequence. Keep eating food off the floor, my friend.

14 Positive Vibes Take Longer Than 30 Minutes

It's hard, almost impossible, to make yourself do a complete 180 of your entire personality and outlook on life based off of an arbitrary marker of time. Things like happiness and positivity take time, and when you're someone as salty as the Dead Sea, it's really hard to see the good in things, and it's even harder to dilute that salt in a matter of minutes. Even though the clocks have changed and the year is different, it's not like you can just automatically remove all the bad things about your personality in an instant. This kind of resolution needs to take time. So maybe this person should look back on their amount of salt on December 31st of this year and maybe they'll see a little bit of improvement.

13 That's Not Going To Happen For Another Few Years

In this day and age it sometimes feels like if you stay away from your Twitter feed for more than five minutes you miss the whole world almost collapsing at least twice. We get notifications for all the breaking news, and it seems as though in the past year all the news has done is break us down. All the news stories are so outlandish, too; it's really hard to not react and tweet about it. Even if they were a little better at not tweeting about politics, I bet that they couldn't last through the second day of the year without making some comment about the world's current affairs. Unless crazy government officials make a new year's resolution to stop being crazy, not tweeting about politics is going to be very difficult.

12 Maybe Find A New Resolution

Regular New Year’s resolutions, like working out more and drinking more water, can be difficult, especially for the weak willed. But there are other kinds of resolutions that just seem to be impossible. I think it's very ballsy to try and regulate an entire bodily function for a whole year, especially for this guy who boners happen to way more often than I'd ever imagine. I'm not judging him or anything, but he should have known his body a little better and not try to go against pure science. Considering he can fail his resolution 17  times in one day, there's no telling how many times he will break his resolution in a whole 365 days. If he's going to continue pursuing this resolution, I can see a lot of agony and disappointment in 2018.

11 One Day...

This is probably one of the most popular and basic of all New Year's resolutions, and it is so easy to break — trust me, I would know. I think for the past four years I've told myself, "This year, this is the year that I will become hot and reach my true potential." As you can all see, this is not the case and the exact opposite has happened; getting a nice 10 pound present every year for Christmas. Just like this person, I too have failed on my 2018 venture to be healthy and get hot, so I'm just going to spend the rest of 2018 enjoying burgers, bread, and chocolate and hope that in another few hundred days I'll actually feel motivated enough to finally reach my ultimate visual potential. But what's another year waiting?

10 Coffee Is Bae, Though

Most people forget about this fact — especially since coffee dependency is a huge part of our culture, but caffeine is a drug and like other drugs, you can get addicted to it. Not being obsessed with coffee isn't just cutting out a favorite beverage out of your day, it's having to put your whole body to the test and try to cut out an addiction. Considering the fact that coffee is the sole thing that motivates most of us to get out of bed in the morning, it will be hard to not feel like coffee is your one true love, but it can be done. The first step in the process is to drink less out of desperation and more out of enjoyment — but then again, on four hours of sleep, it's really hard to get anything done without a coffee in hand.

9 Just Don't Fail College

Being a student is very difficult, and in college especially. I don't know why it has to be this way, but it feels like forcing students into mental breakdowns and sleep depravity is an integral part of a college curriculum. Unlike high school, most college students are there because they want to be there, and are trying to do the best that they can so they can get something worthwhile out of a very expensive four years. But while in the middle of it all, it can be extremely difficult to try and find the light at the end of the tunnel. What confuses me about this person is that it's not even the start of the new semester, so I don't know exactly what is stressing them out about school at this current moment in time. Next week, though, a school breakdown would be perfectly understandable.

8 They're Set Up For Failure

Considering the fact that human beings have to bend their knees to do pretty much anything makes me wonder what kind of plans this person had for their 2018. I'm pretty sure the only way to not bend your knees at all is to remain completely still in bed. Even turning over requires some movement of the knee joints. Unless they signed up for one of those NASA experiments that pay people an absurd amount of money to stay completely still for 90 days, I don't know what kind of New Year resolution this is.

Another theory I have is that they made such an impossible resolution just to set them up for failure, to be ironic and prove that New Year resolutions are dumb. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the case. Well played, dude.

7 Sleep Is So Nice, Though

When I first read this tweet, the first thing that I thought to myself was, "Huh, 10:30 isn't even that late, don't be so hard on yourself," which just shows how responsible I am right now. Personally, I think that waking up at 10:30 after staying up all night for New Year's Eve is totally reasonable. Nobody is going to wake up at 7:30 on January 1st. Now, if it's a Tuesday and you're waking up at noon, that's a totally different story and may be an actual problem. Don't be too hard on yourself for sleeping in a little bit after a fun night out. I'm mostly saying this to reassure myself that I'm not a hot pile of oversleeping garbage. For me, I'm going to try and not spend all my Sundays hungover and sleeping the whole day away since that's a pretty bad trend I've picked up in 2017.

6 That's Gonna Cost Ya

This tweet is both hilarious and tragic at the same time. It's pretty impressive for this person to have lost their wallet enough times to warrant making it one of their resolutions for the new year, and it's even more impressive for them to lose their wallet so soon into the new year. It's like they didn't even bother making an effort to fix this one, very inconvenient and potentially scary, habit of losing their wallet. Wallets have important things in them like money, credit cards, IDs — it would be the biggest bummer ever to get your wallet stolen on a night out. I hope that at least whenever they lose their wallet in 2018 that they can at least find it before they go home, so they don't have to go through the ordeal of canceling all their cards in the morning.

5 Not Even The Minimum Amount Of Effort

As someone who has only worn a matching pair of socks by chance, I feel this tweet pretty hard. They say that if you look great that you'll feel great, so maybe this person took that mentality to try and feel like their life is put together if the socks on their feet looked put together, too. Alas, their facade has failed only a week into the new year, and it is out to everyone that they still do not have anything in their life together. Since I also wear mismatched socks, like, every day of my life, I also visually and internally do not have any of my s**t together but I don't think I'm at that point in my life where I can even try to consider wearing matching socks and putting my life together. Maybe in 2019...maybe.

4 Can't Get Away From The Classic Poses

Trying to find a good thing to do with your hands and arms in pictures is pretty hard, so it's almost instinctual to throw up a peace sign when a camera is near. The peace sign, while pretty overrated nowadays, is still iconic and a classic. There are so many different ways to interpret a peace sign; it could be ironic, happy, trying to cover up acne, pretending to be Winston Churchill, a whole bunch of things. After throwing up the peace sign since the whole MySpace mirror-phase of 2006, it's going to be very difficult to do anything else with your hands in a picture. May 2018 be a year that continues the peace sign in pictures trend, and maybe by 2019 we'll have figured out something better to do for a pose.

3 Is It Really That Hard?

Unlike a lot of the other failed resolutions, I'm kind of surprised that this person was unable to prevent themselves from dabbing for longer than two minutes. Personally, I have never dabbed in my life because I'm not down for that kind of embarrassment so I don't get the appeal of dabbing. Maybe it's one of those things that once you do your first dab, your dab senses have been activated and you're suddenly compelled to dab all the time — even when you really shouldn't be dabbing. I remember a similar case to this a few years back with the whip; that was a dance trend that took a little while to disappear. I hope for this person—and everyone around them—that they can get out of their dabbing habits this year.

2 The Impossible Resolution

There are some New Year resolutions that are just meant to be broken, and then there are some resolutions that you shouldn't even try to tackle. Of course, we all think that we're ugly even if we aren't, but man do I feel this person's sentiment on a personal level. They gave up on day four of this year, which just shows me that they weren't ready to put effort into this beauty endeavor. It's really hard to just decide to not be ugly one day and expect to not be ugly the next day as well. Things like this take time, unless you're Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries and you get straight hair, good teeth, and eyesight all in one afternoon. Then again, she is a princess so the impossible can happen.

1 That's Still Self Care In My Book

In my opinion, there's no shame in eating four Oreos for the first meal of the day, and I'm not just saying that because I managed to inhale a whole sleeve of cookies myself just yesterday. Who can say that eating Oreos isn't good for you? While the calories and sugar content may not be the best thing for your body, the taste is definitely great for the soul. And what's more important: eating a salad and hating every moment of it or eating some good-a** cookies and enjoying the moment even though you might regret it later? Personally, I'll always pick the cookies over self-improvement because I have no concept of self-control. Maybe eating cookies for breakfast may not be that great for you, but on January 1st you can just make the excuse that it's a holiday.

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