Work sucks. Sorry, there's just no way around it. I know there are people out there shaking their heads at me, saying "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life," and I agree! Wholeheartedly. However, no matter how much we love what we do, there are always gonna be days where we would rather be doing something else.
As students, we find this out the hard way the first year after school. We no longer get three months off for summer break, to do nothing but get tan and drink margaritas. Now, we're adults, which means we gotta work.
But since we live in a social media obsessed society, many of us check out Twitter throughout the day to see what our friends are up to or to get some much needed laughs. And if we can't get a few unexpected chuckles when looking at Twitter, why have the app?
So the next time work sucks and you need a break, these next 15 tweets will get the job done of making you laugh and scratch your head at the same time.
15 SO True
can you imagine how hot we all would have seemed like 600 years ago pic.twitter.com/EZzjSoA1FV— keely (@keelythepest) January 6, 2018
With the help of contouring, lip kits, and YouTube tutorials, everyone is flawless. Literally everyone. There are 6-year-olds that are prettier than me, and I'm a grown woman who actually has my own bank account and can drive myself to Sephora.
There are so many ways for men and women these days to enhance their features; to look like a more perfect version of themselves. In a way, it saddens me because I wish people were happy with the way they were naturally, but it's 2018, and that's not the case.
That being said, can you imagine looking how we do today, 600 years ago? UM, to be honest, we'd probably all be beheaded for being too flawless; as if its witchcraft for being too gorgeous.
14 How Does Your Son Know This Word...
My son wrote "thicc" on my patio 56 times. pic.twitter.com/53MmhrP3ny— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) May 30, 2017
I kid you not, I had to Google the reason why people are changing the spelling of “thick.” I obviously know “thicc” is derived from the word “thick,” but why are we doing this?
I guess it’s the street term for saying someone is voluptuous. You know how rappers call some women thick? Well, it’s the same meaning but different spelling. Why is this happening, I have no idea. Nevertheless, this person’s son wrote the slang term 56 (count ‘em — 56 TIMES) on their patio.
Now, I don’t know how old their son is or why—of all words—he chose “thicc,” but here we are. This is our youth. Who knows there’s probably 10-year-olds running around still screaming #YOLO.
Side note: I’m really glad this was done with chalk on bricks, and not pen on a wall. At least this will wash away.
13 The Classic Teenage Challenges
fidget spinners are whack, when I was in 8th grade we'd shove a spoonful of cinnamon down our throats and try to survive for fun— Nathan (@NathanRadey) May 25, 2017
I feel this tweet on a deeper level. I feel it in my soul.
How are children and teens so bored these days, that they have to come up with these social media challenges? Do you know HOW many things there are to do in our world, let alone how many forms of technology kids have these days? With iPad, iPhones, iWatches, Wiis, and every other electronic people can play around with — why are kids obsessed with Fidget Spinners, Tide POD challenges, snorting condoms (I’M SERIOUS)?
Why can’t they go outside, save to travel, or maybe actually get to know their neighbors?
WHY are kids today snorting protection for comedic gold? It’s gross… And concerning.
I don’t have kids myself yet, but when I do, if I catch them wanting a Fidget Spinner as a toy and not as a way to release anxiety or ADD, I’m gonna shake my head SO hard.
12 Eve, What Is You Doing?
If you believe in the creation myth, then you probably have a lot of questions for Adam and Eve yourself. As the supposed first human beings on this Earth, they’ve done a lot of things first.
The story goes that God told Adam to eat whatever his heart desires, but to stay away from the Tree of Knowledge. But when Eve was created, she was pressured into eating an apple from the tree—after being told not to—and that’s essentially how those who read the Bible learn about good, evil, deception, etc…
However… Can you imagine Adam’s reaction when Eve REACHED for that apple!? After he warned her not to? “Oh baby, what is you doin’!?” Silly Eve. Though the story changes a bit, depending on the religion, I believe the base of the story is the same: don’t shame God. But hey, when you want an apple, you want an apple.
11 The Classic Protector
wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it— yabkat (@ohen39) October 25, 2017
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
You know how there are some tweets where you know they’re real? There’s usually pictures for proof or genuine reactions that you can completely visualize. Well, I don’t know if I really believe this one, but it caused a deep belly laugh, that’s for sure.
For starters, who doesn’t know to pee on a jellyfish sting after a person’s been stung?
It sounds disturbing, but that’s one of the first things we learn as kids going to the beach; mainly because the concept is so oddly hilarious. Like, how does urine stop the sting? I’m not sure, but if this tweet is real, then this is probably the only dude who’s never heard of it, because he peed on the jellyfish — not his wife’s mark.
At least he was just trying to protect his wife? But at the same time… WTF? Why are you peeing on a living sea creature!
10 'I Must Have It'
How much for the horse tornado?— Dann (@porksodachop) February 27, 2013
Sir, that's a carousel.
I must have it.
Honestly, why are those things called carousels. A horse tornado is way more accurate. Those plastic steeds are going ‘round and ‘round for hours. No one knows what a carousel is, but everyone knows what a tornado is.
Regardless of the name, I would love to meet a person who buys one of those things. How much do carousels even cost? And why are there always small, sketchy ones in shopping malls? I mean, I know they’re for children, but the least they can do is clean those things. They’re always dirty AF and have some kind of dried liquid on the handles to make it sticky.
C’mon carousel, people. You’re better than this.
Who even thought of this random ride anyway? I think the original invention starred horses, but I’ve actually seen one where it had wild animals instead, and it was so much more fun.
9 'Jurassic Park' But With Horses
*shakes wife awake*— Lazer Cat (@Laser_Cat) August 20, 2014
Karen. Karen! Don't make any sudden moves...he's back again. pic.twitter.com/4Xb5jPfXPL
Honestly, I love this whole scene. A husband shaking his wife (amazingly named Karen) awake because some kind of night creature is back, lurking in the night. It’s amazing. But let’s not focus on the story — let’s focus on why there’s a HORSE in someone’s home!
It’s really had to tell in the image, but it appears to be an apartment complex?
(Correct me if I’m wrong.) Since apartments are typically small then, y’know, a BARN, one has to one why horse or even a statue of a horse is in this person’s home.
Even if it’s a fake horse, that thing is MASSIVE. There is no way that looks chic in anyone’s home — even in Kim and Kanye’s home! They’d probably have their life size horse made of gold, and it would still be tacky.
8 Are You Sure You Wanna Do That?
When you finally get your own bank account — you have made it. You’re now an adult. You have your own money that you can spend and save and do whatever you want with. It’s a groundbreaking moment for every person out there. After getting my first bank account (which acquired, like, $40), I remember thinking how COOL I was that I now had a bank card. Now, this was before hacking became what it is today, okay? I never had to worry about that kinda thing.
But now that I am an actual adult and don’t rely on my parents anymore, my bank account judges me a lot.
And no offense to my bank account, but without me, you wouldn’t be here. So please stop judging me for how many Chipotle bowls I buy and how much useless money I spend on at Starbucks.
When life gives you lemons, you Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn pic.twitter.com/vQNW7uEgCm— Persian Rose (@PersianRose1) December 1, 2016
Okay, it took me awhile to decipher this tweet, but once I understood, it was more than just a horrific looking lemon, so I giggled a little harder.
This lemon (can I even call this thing a lemon?) looks exactly like H.P. Lovecraft’s fictional character, Cthulhu, from his short short The Call of Cthulhu. (How you pronounce Cthulhu is beyond me, so don’t ask.) The creature is said to look similar to an octopus.
And since that lemon seems to have tentacles… It’s easy to compare.
Now if you’re wondering where the whole “ph'nglui mglw'nafh” thing comes into play, here it is. It’s a chant this creature’s worshipers say, in hopes for his return. It apparently means “In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming." So not only is this tweet hilariously disturbing, it’s also quite educational for short stories from the ‘20s. So thank you, @PersianRose1.
6 Modern Day Romeo & Juliet
I know Uber is more of a North American thing and hasn’t quite expanded around the world yet, but it’s a groundbreaking app. I honestly don’t know why it took so long to implement this.
If Uber was around when I was in college, life would have been so much simpler. And if Ubereats was around when I was in college… I would have been even more broke than I was.
For anyone who doesn’t know what Ubereats is, it’s a food delivery service. Your Uber driver will literally go and pick up your food for you. Deliveroo is the same thing, except based in the UK. With people who are out and getting our food for us… There really is no reason to leave the house. Plus, seeing these delivery men walking side-by-side, as they deliver hot goods is a precious love story.
5 Voting Is Important
The mayor from Jaws is still the mayor in Jaws 2. It is so important to vote in your local elections.— Adam Goodell (@adamgoodell) October 21, 2017
I CRIED WHEN I READ THIS TWEET. And then I showed my mom and she honestly thought I was overreacting. But since I cried laughing, there has to be other Jaws fans laughing too, right? That movie is still terrifying to this day, and it was made in ‘70s. They didn’t have the CGI and all the special effects like they do today; they did what they could and made the film even scarier with their choice of music.
It’s a standout, I tell ya!
The Mayor of Armity Island clearly DNGAF about the people of his town because he kept the beach open numerous of times while there was a hungry, determined shark out there! To make matters worse, he was still the mayor in the the sequel to Jaws.
If you don’t want your friends, family, and neighbors getting eaten alive by a shark, then cast your vote for a new mayor, fictional town of Armity Island. Cast it now.
4 These Were The Best Days
Every parent knows that taking their child to the dentist, doctors, or any other appointment, can ruin a whole day. Yes, their children are excited to leave school early, but they’re also pissed that they need to go somewhere so official (and kinda scary, TBH). So what do parents do when their child is terrified to go to the doctors, and are kicking and screaming? They bribe them.
“If you’re good, we’ll go to McDonald’s afterwards, and you can get whatever you want before heading back to school, okay?”
YES. That was the golden ticket there! Once we got that bag of greasy food, we strolled back into class thinking we were the coolest. Everyone was jealous of out crispy French fries and McNuggets. (The only thing is, most kids dislike sharing — so that was a bust for fellow classmates.)
3 Thank You For Your Service
I JUST RAN THROUGH TRAFFIC TO TAKE THIS PICTURE pic.twitter.com/ggqNV4vljS— club = majesty @BEACHCON (@lenkagaminya) January 25, 2018
We all need to thank @Lenkagaminya for their service. I don’t know where this picture was taken or where this person lives, but seeing an actual sign that says “THOT Patrol” is spectacular. Especially in an un-ironic way.
You can tell this car is semi-official.
They’re looking for thots, whatever their definition of a “thot” is. And I commend them for it. I also must commend this Twitter user for walking through traffic just to snap this shot. If it weren’t for them, we would never be blessed with this image. We would never know that the Thot Patrol exists.But now that we know that they do… I wonder what they’re looking for… What country is this in? Because our definitions of thots are very different (at least I think).
2 *Needs Affection*
me: *sliding $10 to bartender* I'll have the usual— yabkat (@ohen39) January 25, 2018
[bartender gives me a hug]
You know how little kids have those ‘kissing booths’ at fairs or carnivals? It’s typically a little kid selling kisses for a quarter for charity, and all the adults and kids kiss them on the cheek, and go about their day. Well, that’s kinda like this, but this is for adults. And what’s more meaningful than a kiss sometimes? A hug.
The sad thing is, this person is charging $10 for a hug, when hugs are genuinely free. Does this mean @Ohen39 literally doesn’t know a single person who could give him a hug for free? That’s troubling.
Nevertheless, I think they’re onto something. A solid hug can be mood-changing. And when a hug is worth $10, that better be tight enough to change my whole day around.
1 City Of Dreams
I AM DEAD. Not only is the Twitter caption so simply comical, but I cannot imagine walking past this poster and not snapping a picture or calling him for a session.
Where else in the world does an artist pay you just so they could sing?
The ad itself is flawless. It's so simple and yet has everything we need to know. JUST LOOK AT HIS FACE. He is passionate. He will sing songs about "the moon and stars." He has NEVER been heard before. He's so exclusive, that he doesn't even do group settings; he's a one-on-one kinda man.
What's even more adorable (to me, at least), is that he writes "I am Sean..." at the VERY bottom, right above his phone number. Oh Sean, we don't even need to know your name sweet man. Just come on over and sing about the moon and stars (while also paying me $15...)
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