A bot digested thousands of Olive Garden commercials to make its own ultimate Olive Garden commercial.
And the results are hilarious.
Keaton Patti is a writer slash comedian living in New York. He’s written for such storied publishers as The New Yorker, Comedy Central, Funny or Die, College Humor, and more. But recently he’s given up trying to write his own material and instead handed over the comedy-making to an artificial intelligence system tasked with consuming mass media and sending it back out in a refined form.
Here’s how it works. The bot gets fed a bunch of data, analyzes it, and then spits out its own version of whatever topic it was fed. Patti has already done the same thing with the Saw franchise, feeding the bot “thousands of hours” worth of film (even though there’s probably barely over a dozen hours of Saw footage in existence) to create the ultimate Saw movie. The results were unexpectedly hilarious. There are plenty of users who are saying that it is not possible that these scripts were written by bots, but we'd like to believe that technology created something this hilarious anyways. We can dream, right?
Now Patti has done it again to another classic piece of media: Olive Garden commercials. Normally those commercials are fairly standard--family walks in, gets greeted warmly by the server, gets served a bunch of delicious faux-Italian food, and then you hear the Olive Garden slogan of “When you’re here, you’re family!”
Patti’s commercial is… a little different. You can read the script here:
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/CKiDQTmLeH— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) June 13, 2018
The concept of “infinite stick” is a pretty poignant reference to Olive Garden’s unlimited breadsticks policy. It’s as though going to the Olive Garden is not just a means of consuming an infinite amount of carbohydrates (something that no doctor recommends you do, ever), but also a metaphor for life and the infinite universe, how existence is fleeting and yet unending at the same time.
Or it’s just a bot randomly mashing words together in a predetermined order based on previous patterns in Olive Garden commercials. Either or.
And by the way: “pasta nachos” already exist, but Olive Garden calls them “Italian Nachos”, and they do indeed have far too much Italian on them. But we don’t recommend eating Italian citizens instead.