Barack Obama once said "Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition". Too bad he wasn't invited to the royal wedding, since he probably would have uttered that phrase for the umpteenth time if he came face to face with the hucksters on London's streets to cash in on the regal nuptials.
There was certainly no shortage of Harry and Meghan wares to be hawked during the wedding, from Union Jack flags to commemorative plates celebrating the ceremony. Then there was the merch that crossed the line between class and crass, which may have been appalling to more uptight royal watchers, but sure makes for far more interesting memorabilia.
Take the drum, for openers, which might be the perfect metaphor for saying the wedding was an absolute hit, although it was very unlikely any pounding of the instrument would have been allowed inside St. George's Chapel, where the ceremony took place.
As for the Crown Jewels condoms, you have to wonder about motivations the geniuses behind this latex largesse had in mind. While the potential for double entendres are golden here, let's just say condoms as wedding keepsakes are about as appropriate as snowmobiles in Florida.
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Equally dubious? How about those sick bags for starters? It's not sure if those were created by an anti-monarchist or as handy catchers for those who've imbibed a tad too much wedding cheer. Or something just as convenient for the plane ride back home.
There were also commemorative Harry and Meghan dolls. Standing at 18 inches, and apparently inspired by the royal wedding, the figures quite closely resemble the child of a Cabbage Patch Kid and that Chucky doll from the Child's Play horror franchise.
We'd be remiss if we didn't mention the swimsuits available online, for those who want to dip into the refreshing waters of royalty or dive into all the pandemonium head-first. We just hope no one made one of these their complete outfit for the ceremony.
Just before you hit the pool, however, make sure you get your nutrients from a great breakfast cereal. It's not certain if the "Wedding Rings" brand qualifies, however, but the box design is a real hoot with a cartoonish Harry and Meghan digging into an oversized bowl. The nutritional value of the contents might be questionable, but it sure might have been a handy snack for those waiting overnight on the streets for a glimpse of you-know-who and you-know-who.
Finally, for those who wished Harry would have picked them, the ultimate consolation prize: a "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME" tee complete with a golden crown. Too bad there wasn't another t-shirt available during the weekend. One that said "MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER MADE ME WATCH THE ROYAL WEDDING AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT".
Now, that would have made a killing...