The way people talk can be a dead giveaway, revealing their inner demons and angels. In a long term relationship, people are bound to have banter about 'he said she said' situations, but what does it mean when one's partner says 'get out' or 'you've changed'?
A malicious statement disguised as innocent can reveal what a partner values in their significant other. And too many people overlook problematic comments their partners direct at them.
When people choose a lifelong partner, they often allow their heart to make the decision. Unfortunately, our hearts can turn a blind eye to toxic comments we don't want to hear. We don't always want to admit it when our partners have toxic personality traits. This guide can help you recognize which phrases are meaningful and which snide comments scream there's a serious problem at hand.
For every manipulative comment or poorly worded response, there's a counter statement that reveals inner maturity. A partner that says 'I need a day to myself' or 'I'll do anything for you' displays someone who understands the effort and commitment it takes to be with someone forever.
But when it comes to the negatives? If he says these specific ten things, he's not husband material (but we included ten that are promising as well).
20 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'I'm Not Perfect'
Breaking News: no one is perfect. While this might sound like an innocent statement, saying 'I'm not perfect' to someone is condescending. Arguments are bound to happen in relationships, but this is not an appropriate thing to say in the long run. Your partner is implying that whatever he did to upset you is because your standards are too high.
You should never marry someone who can't take ownership for their actions. Furthermore, this statement implies an inherent immaturity, and no one wants to marry someone who isn't ready to grow up. We already know he's not perfect (because no one is), but when he says it? Bad news.
19 Husband Material: 'I'll Keep Trying To Be Better'
One of the kindest things your partner can do for you in a relationship is listen. Everyone gets upset and emotional at times. If you become upset for an irrational reason, the worst thing your boyfriend can do is grow agitated. Instead, a promising statement to show he cares is 'I'll be better.'
If you start crying because he's forgotten to call you for the fifth time, he should understand that putting in a little more effort will go a long way in making you feel better. Promising to try harder shows he's always willing to grow for you (and the benefit of the relationship)!
18 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'Get Out!'
Tension can be very telling. Our true colors are revealed when we're at our worst; in a relationship, that's usually when we're frustrated with our partners. Using the phrase 'get out' is only okay when the house is on fire. Otherwise, he's just being a bully when he says this. You never signed up to be bullied in this relationship.
Whatever the issue may be, it won't fix itself. The problem will only be exasperated by saying this, and it shows he can't keep his cool. You do not want to marry someone who cannot handle conflict in a healthy way—and kicking you out isn't the way to do that.
17 Husband Material: 'I Want To Hear What You Have To Say'
People buy into their own internal narratives when they're upset, even if those narratives/thoughts aren't rooted in reality. It's easy to get obsessed with your own ideas and forget that the other person has feelings too. A great way to stay on the same page and maintain a connection is telling each other 'I want to hear what you have to say.'
If he says this, he's showing you how much he cares. He values your emotions and opinions and wants to ensure your happiness. Whether it's an average day or an earth-shattering fight, he should always be willing to listen.
16 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'You've Changed'
Everyone changes, but is that the word we want to use? How about 'evolve'? If your partner says this to you, he's implied growing as a person is negative. Growing and changing should be celebrated—if he can't recognize that, it shows he's afraid of change. You don't want to be with the same stagnant person forever.
No one should talk down on you for growing and changing. To have a successful relationship, you need to be friends as well as lovers. Friends push each other to grow, but if he's digging his claws into you, you do not want to marry him.
15 Husband Material: 'I Want To Grow Together'
A successful relationship is a long relationship. When you spend years with a person, you won't always be the same. If you want to marry someone, marry a person who recognizes that life shapes you both in different ways. If you spend your life with someone for decades, you'll likely watch your partner evolve into many versions of themselves.
Be with someone who encourages you to grow and is vocal about his desire to evolve with you. Change is inevitable, and if he shows he can embrace change with open arms, you'll want to keep him by your side (forever!).
14 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'You Don't Make Me Happy'
If someone says 'you don't make me happy' and disguises that statement with 'I'm being honest about my feelings', run. 'You don't make me happy' is a poor choice of words, even if the statement is earnest. Happiness is a product of your own thoughts, and blaming someone else for that is unfair.
A lack of happiness in a relationship is an enormous red flag. If the two of you are struggling to find joy and cannot communicate about it, don't try and breathe life into something that should be laid to rest. Relationships take work, but try to recognize what isn't working in your life.
13 Husband Material: 'I Want To Talk To You About My Feelings'
If your partner is struggling to feel happy, he should communicate about his feelings. Instead of blaming you for his poor emotional state, he should look to you for wisdom and help. If you have noticed your partner is comfortable with telling you he wants to talk about his feelings, you have found yourself a keeper.
Instead of holding in his feelings and letting them spiral (which could lead to conflict), he wants to share what is going on in his head. This helps build trust in a relationship and proves the two of you can face the difficulties of mental challenges (and wellness) together.
12 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'If You Really Loved Me You'd...'
If you really love someone, you won't start a sentence like this. A relationship is not a game of manipulation—otherwise, your partner is only a means to an end. This statement is a gateway to your partner guilt-tripping you with self-deprecating statements like 'I'm unlovable' or 'you don't even like me.'
If you marry someone who will guilt you to get what they want, you're in trouble. Instead, statements like 'it would mean a lot to me if...' will be healthier for your relationship. Sometimes your partner might not realize how hurtful their words can be; don't be afraid to tell them to rephrase.
11 Husband Material: 'What Can I Do To Make Your Day Better'
How sweet is this sentence? To say words do not matter is foolish—a simple phrase can make all the difference. Asking your partner this on a daily basis will up your relationship game. If you only remember to ask them when they're having a bad day, that will do too (at the very least).
If he says this to you, he's displaying how much he loves you. A lifelong partner should wake up every morning with the intention of making your day wonderful. You should be with someone who makes your well-being their top priority. Of course, it's a good idea to reciprocate too!
10 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'You Knew How I Was When We First Met'
Nothing screams 'I'm unwilling to grow as a person and your need to evolve offends me' like this statement. You might as well say 'take it or leave it.' If your partner says this to you, they're acting like they don't care if they lose you or not.
I've emphasized the importance of evolving in a relationship, but this is a frightening statement. Growth can be stressful for those who fear change, but this is a complete disregard for the people around you. No one should have this level of toxicity in their life—avoid people in life who say this!
9 Husband Material: 'I Understand How That Makes You Feel'
Inevitably, your partner will upset you in life. They will cross a boundary or hurt your feelings, and how a couple handles these moments can define them. Here is a foolproof way for your partner to help you: listen.
When your partner tries to justify why they forgot your birthday (for example) instead of telling you they understand why you're hurt, they neglect to be apologetic. An apology can go a long way when someone is upset. If your partner listens to why you're upset and soothes you instead of trying to justify why his actions were okay, it's a good sign.
8 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'No, I Won't Go To Counseling With You'
Counseling can anchor a relationship when the seas are inexplicably stormy, but the stigma can make the leap intimidating. Don't fool yourself by thinking your relationship will fall apart if you choose counseling—professional help displays your endless commitment to making love work.
If your partner says this to you, it's inexcusable. Listening to a stranger tell you how to be a better partner is hard, but losing your partner should be harder. If he won't go to counseling with you, he's proving the relationship is not a priority for him. Sometimes love needs guidance, and if he's not willing to admit that, the relationship can't grow.
7 Husband Material: 'I'll Do Anything For You'
Be with someone who says this to you. Love someone who prioritizes you. If he is unwilling to walk through fire for you, you're missing out on what true love can be. 'I'll do anything for you' is comforting, flattering, and elating. Just be careful not to break this promise if you issue it... it's surprisingly easy to.
While he might not be able to take you to the moon, a man who makes every effort to get you there but falls short is still a keeper and the total package. If he wants to make your dreams come true, he's husband material.
6 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'Your Family Is Crazy'
Insulting the people someone grew up with is malicious. Most families are deeply flawed, but our bloodlines shaped us into who we are. If you want to make a beeline towards an argument, insult someone's mother and see how fast level-heads derail.
If you say your own mother is crazy, you are entitled to that as she is your mom. If he says it, be careful to set your boundaries. A partner needs to be respectful of the people who raised you. If he's willing to insult your family, he might be willing to insult you years down the road.
5 Husband Material: 'I Need A Day To Myself'
Relationships are often all-encompassing, especially if you live together. You will grow tired of your partner if you spend all your time with him, regardless of how much you're in love. In a lifelong commitment, there will be days when you need breaks. If your partner is capable of recognizing when he needs 'me time' and expresses that need honestly to you, you have found someone with a deep understanding of his mental well being.
Not only that, but he's prioritizing the relationship by knowing when he needs space. When he's dedicated to maintaining happiness and avoiding conflict, you know you found a keeper.
4 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'It's Not A Big Deal'
If you say it's an issue, it's an issue. Problems in a relationship need to be addressed, or they'll fester! If he claims it's 'not a big deal', your partner is telling you that your feelings don't matter. You cannot spend the rest of your life with someone who refuses to take you seriously.
Talking to your partner about things that upset you shows you care about your relationship, and he should value that rather than blowing it off. There is no room for indifference in a relationship when it comes to managing conflict, and no relationship can hang on over the long term if conflict is ignored.
3 Husband Material: 'I'll Fix It For You'
So what should your partner say to you when you tell him about a problem? He should immediately want to fix it for you! Whether he's leaving the toilet seat up, using a bad tone with you, or forgetting to help around the house, he should readily agree to work on an 'issue' for you.
You need to be reasonable with your requests (obviously), but if you notice your man is quick to fix an issue that bothers you, he's a keeper. Not all men are mature enough to realize how much your feelings matter, so once you run into a guy who does, it's an eye-opener.
2 Don't Let Him Put A Ring On It: 'I Never Thought We'd Be Together This Long'
There's no way to come back from this statement. If your partner says this to you, you have a myriad of issues as a couple. Not only is it manipulative and toxic, but implies love has been lost. If you really want to salvage a relationship this troubled you can try counseling, but how do you repair the damage?
Not only has he implied he was never serious about you, but he has never valued you as a person either. Marriage is out of the question if he says this to you... you should break up ASAP and find someone who plans to invest in you rather than stumbles into a relationship they're too lazy to care for.
1 Husband Material: 'Time Goes By So Fast With You'
Time flies when you're having fun, right? If your partner says this to you, it's a dead giveaway that he's deeply in love with you. You want to have a lifelong partner who can never get enough of you. Love reminds us how time is fleeting, which is why we marry people... to try and spend every possible moment with them before it's too late.
This statement shows that he values you as a person. If time goes by fast when you're together, you are obviously very compatible. In all likelihood, the two of you will find ways to have fun together for years to come.