To be honest, it's more than likely that you'll have to wear your prescription glasses or contacts in order to get the most out of this article. The reason is that the people and things depicted below are just so unbelievably stealth. I mean, it's actually nuts. It's mind blowing, really. Every person, vehicle, and cake to follow could have a very prominent military career. That's because the enemy would never spot them.
In actuality, I have zero clue why anyone has an obsession with camouflage. It's the most ludicrous thing ever. In fact, most who wear it are actually easier to spot than not because they look like utter fools. Anyway, without further ado, here at 15 camouflage shots so "good" that you can only barely see them...
15 Camo-Craig's List
There's no limit to the ridiculous things you can find on Craigslist. They verge from the most revolting, inappropriate things imaginable to items like the one pictured above that is so unbelievably useless it's actually laughable. What's even worse is that there's almost always someone stupid enough to buy it. This means that it's more than likely that someone purchased the "car" featured here. People are just that ridiculous. But I suppose that shouldn't surprise anyone given some of our elected officials.
Perhaps Craigslist is actually a pretty good argument against democracy. After all, it's what happens when you put all of the power in the hands of the people... Yep, you get unregulated "camouflage trucks" selling for a grand or two. Let's hope no-one took the bair and bought this...thing.
14 Camo-Kid Rock
You have to be some kind of true redneck to want to deck the entire outside of your house in camouflage. You're likely to be missing a great deal of your brain cells as well. I mean, those are the only explanations for this. If this isn't Kid Rock's house, it has to be one of those insane people who believe everything that someone like an Alex Jones says about upcoming apocalypse. Or they're obsessed with The Walking Dead and are hoping that this camouflage will hide their precious property from more than just desperate and starving human beings. The only problem is that even brain-dead zombies are smart enough to figure out that something is wrapped in camouflage. Therefore, I suggest a different tactic. Like burning this garbage down.
Those who've had a long-term girlfriend will certainly relate to this. Even more so, those who are or have been a long-term girlfriend will completely understand this meme without having to read this. That's because there comes a time when every girlfriend just wants to be left alone in order to get a good night's sleep. Sure, they want to be next to another warm body, especially one they have feelings for, but they don't necessarily want to get down and dirty every single night (this, of course, is hear say). Sleep usually wins over sensual playtime. Guys, on the other hand, are usually the ones to initiate this as they tend to sleep better after a few good thrusts. The only way that most women can escape their boyfriends' perverted begging is to disappear into the sheets. And what better way to do so than camouflage?
As a man, I was always under the assumption that women who wore tight pants (like these) wanted people to admire their fit physique. Though that may be true for some women, as a more "woken" individual (I never use that word, and I probably won't ever again), I now understand that it's not always for that reason. Some women just want to look good for themselves or wear the pants for fitness purposes. Unfortunately, it's basically impossible for a fit woman to avoid the leers of horny, gawky, men. So, perhaps these camouflage tights are the perfect way to hide the defined muscles on one's tuchus. On the other hand, such tights are basically out of the norm anywhere they go except for the forest. Therefore, they end up being more of a target than a disguise.
Unless you're a bully yourself, there's basically no way you're going to avoid being bullied if you're wearing camouflage. So, if you absolutely have to wear the ugly, tacky, hick-y, design then I highly suggest you go find a kid smaller than you to pick on. If you don't, you're basically a walking target for everyone else. Perhaps, you should just avoid wearing it altogether so you don't need to add to the cycle of bullying that pervades the halls of almost every school in the world. I know your parents might make you, for whatever messed up reason. Maybe you can't afford anything else. Or maybe you even like wearing it yourself. But just don't. Don't. Under any circumstances... don't. Steal clothes from your neighbor's children if you have to. Just avoid dressing like this at school at all costs.
This is what happens when you overwhelm your pet with love. Heck this is what happens when you overwhelm anyone with love. Eventually, they're going to do anything and everything in their power to get the heck away from you. If they can't run, they will most certainly hide.
Just what do you think this cat is doing? Sleeping? No way, she's avoiding her crazy mother who likes to emphatically dress her up as Little Bo-Peep, Shaquille O'Neal, or Rey from Star Wars every single Saturday afternoon.
It's not the cat's fault that she's all her owner has. The cat is a helpless victim in all of this. The only thing she wants to do is get the heck away from her handsy owner before she has to inevitably send out a tweet joining the #MeToo Movement.
This image reminds me so much of the hit TV show sitcom, Frasier. Not because this chair and man is out of place in the environment that it's in, but because I'd be as uncomfortable as Kelsey Grammer's character was when his father (played by the recently departed John Mahoney) came to live with him in his chic apartment and forced his ugly, torn-up armchair into the swanky living room. The point is, this is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a long time. Perhaps that's because there's no way I could relate to someone who enjoys sleeping in their camouflage-colored chair while wearing actual camouflage. That's basically like asking Gwyneth Paltrow to have a conversation with someone who hasn't "consciously uncoupled." Just don't do this, guys, okay?
What happened to the days when people actually dressed up to go out for a bite? There was something so elegant about those times; people actually appeared to give a crap about how they came across. Even those who went to the local fast food joint seemed to put some effort into it or, at least, that's what all the old photos seem to depict. But nowadays one doesn't need to go far to see the scourge of society. Heck, just go to a McDonald's at 2:00am and you're pretty much guaranteed to see the worst of the worst. That, and you'll totally understand how Donald Trump was elected president.
As for this couple, well, it seems like she put in some effort. Even if he had just finished a duck hunting excursion and wanted to grab a sandwich and soup, couldn't he have put on a pair of jeans?
There's something about car people that really pisses me off. Perhaps, it's the fact that they put so much value in a hunk of metal that moves that what irritates me? I think it's the valued judgments they put on people that don't drive the flashiest car on the block. For me, the only things I care about when it comes to a car is that it has leather seats, a sunroof, and has Sirius XM with Howard Stern. Otherwise, I couldn't care less about the torc... (That's what it's called, right? Torc? I have no bloody idea what that even is...)
Okay, so there's the normal obnoxious car people, then there's this guy. There's no way this car would be used in the forest where camo would actually make sense. Heck no — the point of decking this vehicle out in camouflage is to draw as much attention to it as possible. It's basically the brag-plate of colors.
The reason I say "camo-soldier" is because the only way I believe it to be acceptable for two men to dress up as what could only be described as a "particularly slow moose with two AK-47s" is if they were, in fact, soldiers. Sure, I'd have a hard time with the fact that my tax dollars are going toward a military that consists of a pair of hunched-over men with a pair of antlers duck-taped to their helmets, but I'd find that far more acceptable than if these two were actually "camo-hunters." That's because hunters shouldn't be allowed automatic weapons. Certainly not ones with frigging bayonets on them.
If you want to hunt moose or deer or whatever, fine, but I'm pretty sure every woodland creature is laughing at the fact that you have to fire 30 rounds a second just to clip them. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure evolution has given most animals the ability to figure out that a guy dressed as a tree is in fact just that.
These future stars of the next season of Duck Dynasty appear to be heading off to prom with the daughters of Larry the Cable Guy. They're expecting a great show from the feature-entertainers, Hank Williams Jr. and Brad Paisley. Honestly, these guys couldn't get any more redneck hick if they tried. Sure, I'm making a judgment here. But am I wrong that these guys look ridiculous? I wouldn't be surprised if they were also packing heat and planning their next hate-crime. Okay, I know that not all rednecks are racists. Just like not all Harvard graduates are actually intelligent. Or how not all philanthropic Hollywood actors are stand-up people. But still, I can't be expected to respect these people, can I? They clearly have less class than the "Catch Me Outside" girl.
4 Camo—Aisle Four—Shopper
This may be the only time where camouflage actually works... in the produce aisle at the grocery store. Between the spinach, butter lettuce, and kale, I can hardly see this guy. The only problem is, when he's standing in front of me at the check-out, I can totally see him. In fact, not only can I view him clearer than day, but I can totally absorb the fact that he deserves to be ridiculed at the highest level. I know we should be spreading more positivity in a world that is dominated by hatred, violence, and stupidity... the holy trinity of the current White House. But I just don't think I could let go of the fact that he's dressed for war while finding the cheapest deal on lentil soup. We should also probably take notice of this black shoes and white socks... Oy vey!
3 Camo Tattoo
Contrary to the beliefs of my 90-year-old grandmother who thinks getting a tattoo is equivalent to engaging in oral activities with the Devil, I actually don't find anything wrong with getting one or two. In fact, I actually find them quite cool. This is with three massive exceptions.
First of all, I absolutely loathe people who cover their body from head to toe in everything they love. They have a tattoo for the Notre Dame football team, one for wolves, another for the first TV show they worked on, and so on and so on. Yes, I'm thinking of someone specific here and you all probably know him.
Second of all, I hate people who cover their bodies in motivational quotes, especially if they're religious. I find it so arrogant and yet simultaneously hollow. And finally, anyone one who gets a tattoo with any sort of camouflage on it is asking for ridicule. We get it, we know you basically run around the forest naked without being seen. But the problem is, we can still see you! And we all want to throw up!
This school is basically the NRA's wet dream. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they provided every student with a free handgun as part of their "welcome to school" package. I don't even think I can wrap my head around the thought of being in this class. The level of my comfortability would be through the roof! It would basically be like being a vegan at a Guy Fieri Texas BBQ on steroids. And that's not even due to all of the camouflage gear. It's because that girl clearly thinks it's 2005 and okay to wear UGGs.
You know, so many people in the world view Canada as a country full of outdoorsy, hockey-playing, igloo-living, hunters, who don't even have normal cities. But I guarantee you that this photo wasn't taken there and was 100% taken in the States. Just saying...
Whatever couple mutually decided to get this cake deserves to get a divorce. I know that's a horrible thought to have but I mean c'mon! How can someone like camouflage this much!? This is heroin-addict obsessed. I haven't seen this kind of dedication to a theme since my gay uncle decided to have a shirtless police officer officiate his wedding in Mykonos.
This is the kind of cake that clearly took a long time to create. It doesn't seem like a rash decision. Oh, no — this was a deliberate one. I suppose that this design also carried over into the tuxedos and the wedding dress itself. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if all the groomsmen were asked to bring their guns to the ceremony and fire at will once the groom kissed the bride. For those reasons, and mostly this gaudy cake, I truly believe that divorce is the only acceptable punishment.