You may have seen them in the wild, been passed by one at triple-digit speeds on the highway, or almost hit by one crossing the double yellow line on a windy road. The squid can be dangerous, but it is generally most dangerous to itself.
Squid is slang, and therefore difficult to accurately define. However, squids are mostly young motorcyclists who overestimate their abilities and boasts of their riding skills when in reality they have none. Squids are really slow in the corners and then give it full throttle as soon as a straight appears. Riding gear is not something the squid is overly concerned with, they are, after all, invincible.
Read on to learn 18 of the dumbest things squids do on their bikes.
18 Not Wearing Proper Gear
The first piece of essential riding gear any self-respecting squid will invest in is a pair of sunglasses that match his bike. When it's time to gear up for a ride in squid-world, that means t-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses - because chicks can't see your impressive guns if you're all covered up in riding gear!
17 Have Their Girlfriend Riding Pillion Without Proper Gear
A squid loves to go riding while wearing minimal gear - t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops would be the ultimate choice of gear. It's one thing to make that decision for oneself and having to live with it if something goes wrong, but having to live with the knowledge you have injured someone else because of a lack of gear... No thanks.
16 Use Sandpaper To Get Rid Of Chicken Strips
Chicken strips are the unworn sections on the outer edges of a motorcycle’s rear tire. They carry a negative connotation since the name comes from the rider being perceived as too “chicken” to lean the bike over in turns. Chicken strips look and feel different from the worn center tread, which is why some squids will sand down the tire instead of learning to ride properly.
15 Squidettes Riding In Revealing Outfits For Social Media Likes
We've all seen the videos on social media - videos of young women riding superbikes while wearing minimal clothing and high heels. Usually, their riding skills leave a lot to be desired, but they certainly are getting a lot of 'likes' on their posts, and we guess that's the important thing.
Squids actually measure their riding skills in wheelie distances, stoppies - which is kind of a reverse wheelie done on the front wheel - and doing various acrobatics while riding. Some of these tricks actually look quite cool, when performed in a closed off area. When performed in traffic it's just plain ridiculous.
13 Fit The Loudest Exhaust Possible
This is something squids have in common with the cruiser riders. And they'll also claim that "loud pipes save lives" - a statement of which there is little to no proof. Of course, the loud pipes have nothing to do with their safety, if that was their main concern they should start wearing riding gear and stop doing wheelies on the highway.
12 Ride Bikes That Are Too Powerful For Their Skill Level
Squids will often say it's best to just go straight for a 1000cc sportbike, anything less and you'll get bored with it within a week. This is, of course, utter madness and probably one of the reasons squids always crash. A good rider on a 600 will leave a squid on his 1000 in the dust.
11 Have A Totally Messed Up Riding Position
The typical squid body position is squished fully forward in the seat, rubbing against the tank, heels hooked on the pegs, and toes splayed outward... "Because that’s what the other riders in the crew does, yo." By keeping the toes pointed outward, the squid gets an indicator of when to stop leaning over in a turn.
10 Constant Revving Of The Engine
The constant revving of the engine is proof that squids are closely related to the wannabe-outlaw yuppie cruiser bike rider. They're constantly revving their engines to keep it running "because the idle is so choppy." In reality, it's because they believe it makes them cool. Revving the crap out of the engine is also done to get other drivers’ attention - because motorcycle horns are lame.
9 Claim Their 600cc Bike Does 200 mph
Telling everyone and their grandma that their 600cc Suzuki GSXR "almost hit 200 the other day, if it wasn't for the fact that the speedo doesn't go past 199 mph." No, it didn't do anywhere near that speed, and your Toce exhaust and dinner plate sized rear sprocket mean your bike will be slower than stock.
8 Believe Burnouts Are The Proper Way To Heat Up Tires
Most squids think the proper way to warm up the bike's tires before a ride is by doing a burnout. Sure, it's one way to get some heat in the tires, but it probably isn't the most cost-effective method. Not that the squid brain will ever think that far ahead anyway.
7 Don't Really Understand How A Motorbike Turns
This is one of the reasons squids are so scared of twisty roads. A squid will always try to ride in a straight line, and if he does have to turn it better be a long curve so he can just lean the bike over using his weight. Trying to explain countersteering to a squid is a waste of time.
6 Stupid Mods
Squids mostly ride sportbikes, which were built to be light, nimble, and fast. So how does a squid modify his sportbike? By lowering it, fitting a stretched swingarm, chrome rims, and a massively wide rear tire. Congrats! You've now ruined the bike by making it ugly, slow, sluggish in corners, and heavier than it was stock.
5 Excessive Speeds
There's a time and place for everything, and we're certainly no strangers to speeding ourselves. But where most speed freaks would find a quiet backroad to get their adrenaline fix, squids tend to do it in traffic, or even their own neighborhoods. Not a clever move, especially when the police catch them and take a look at their action cam footage.
4 No License
The most extreme squids won't have a license because that's just a waste of time and money and has nothing to do with “real riding.” Their motorcycle training course consisted mainly of the salesperson at the dealership showing them how to use the clutch as well as watching moto vloggers on Youtube.
3 High-Speed Lane splitting
Some states have laws against lane splitting, which doesn't make much sense if you ask us. However, one thing that makes even less sense than not being allowed to ride between other cars in traffic, is doing it at insane speeds. All it takes is one car slightly changing its position and the squid will get airborne.
2 Record Their Ride To Post On Youtube
A good squid always rides with an action cam so he can post the crazy stuff he's doing on YouTube… Things like going fast through a school zone and popping a wheelie in traffic. The squid doesn't see any downsides to this kind anti-social behavior, besides, cops can’t "prove" it was him in the video.
1 Only Know How To Go Fast In A Straight Line
Twisty roads are a squid's biggest fear, mostly because he doesn't know how to make the bike steer when the speed picks up. Introducing a squid to a mountain road is just a recipe for disaster, you're much better off letting them play in their natural habitat - the straightest highways known to man.
Sources: Revzilla, Ride Apart, Visor Down