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19 Times The Florida Man Was The Hero We Deserve

The internet is a rather strange place, isn't it? Over the years we've seen the strangest content go viral and some of the most unexpected things become online memes that spread like wildfire. From Nyan Cat to Salt Bae and everything in between, some of the most peculiar oddities have nabbed their five seconds of fame.

One of these beloved memes is the undisputedly thoughtless Florida Man. Essentially, people have taken unrelated news articles which describe various actual things that people from Florida did - we're talking stealing peacocks, having a romantic first date at Walmart, you name it - and slapping on the 'Florida Man' title.

Sometimes we can applaud the Florida Man's ambition and tenacity, while other times we just can't help but facepalm. Enough chatter, let's dive into the life of this ridiculous 'man.'

19 The things we do at 1 am...

via Boredpanda

We just have so many burning questions for this particular Florida man. Which kinds of fruits did he consume? Did he go for a punnet of berries or something a little bit more obscure like a juicy (although rather messy) mango? Was he at a tutu-wearing party beforehand, or did he just come from his ballet recital?

18 Sir, please bee-have

via Twitter

It's not often that we come across a hoard of abandoned buzzing bees hanging out on the side of the road. Even rarer, however, is having the urge to suddenly steal that cluster of bees! In case you didn't realise, these little critters have stingers, and they're not afraid to use them when threatened.

17 Please, not the spaghetti!

via boredpanda

If you had to reread that headline a few times to make sense of it all, don't worry, we did too. There are so many elements at hand that it's hard to even figure out where to start. Why did he think pasta sauce would start a fire? Why was he dressed as a bull? We have so many questions!

16 Trust me, I'm a doctor

via boredpanda

In all honesty, this is pretty darn impressive. It's not often that a kid of 18 years has the drive and ambition to open up their own business - fake or not, it still requires a lot of effort and dedication. Nevertheless, it seems a touch unwise to get this Florida doctor to check out that mole on your back.

15 The ultimate disguise

via boredpanda

There is a couple of glaring issues with this attempted thievery. First and foremost, it's pretty clear that despite wearing a 'mask', his face is still entirely visible to the cameras. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, is that he'd probably suffocate seconds after getting out the door, empty-handed.

14 Bird karma at its finest

via Twitter

We hate to say 'we told you so' but if you mess with birds that aren't yours, odds are that you'll end up running at full speed, just like this idiotic Florida man. Most of the time, peacocks are beautiful, peaceful animals - that is, of course, until someone tries to steal them. Not the brightest idea we've seen today...

13 That's getting an 'F'

via boredpanda

It seems like someone needs to head back to 'scohol' themselves and repeat the basic fourth-grade spelling curriculum, since whoever slapped these signs on the road clearly had no idea what they were doing. The worst part? They made the glaring error not just once, but twice, side by side!

12 Do what you gotta do

via boredpanda

Granted, when you're being chased by vampires - which are totally real and definitely exist on our planet, of course - then you wouldn't exactly be thinking at your peak potential. At least the police involved didn't have to set out on a wild goose chase to find the vampire-evading dancer - he was right where they wanted him.

11 Why'd he stop at four?

via Twitter

This is either an elaborately terrible Wendy's marketing stunt, or more likely a classic instance of the Florida Man doing something that we can't help by sigh at. Did he begin the yelling fully-clothed? Or did the strain on his vocals chords cause him to work up a sweat along the way?

10 Florida Man + Walmart = hilarity

via Twitter

Look, we're not condining shoplifting in any sense, however, we feel like we need to give this dude a little how to steal stuff 101. Firstly, make sure the thing you're swiping ISN'T ALIVE and DOESN'T HAVE GIANT PINCERS, because if you're putting it down your pants, well, you can imagine the rest.

9 Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

via Twitter

For a 20-year-old, this young Florida man must have lived in a pretty darn swanky apartment because there's no way you'd fit 20 or so bears into a studio apartment. Some smaller monkeys, perhaps, but still, there's no way that the house would remain clean or intact for more than a few minutes.

8 With friends like these...

via boredpanda

This guy must have had a close bond with his buddies like no other, as apparently, he was willing to put it all on the line just to hang with them for a couple of hours. Given that his friends are already in jail, it doesn't come as much of a surprise that he ended up there sooner or later.

7 Please, think of the children!

via boredpanda

Honestly, props to this Florida man for doing the right thing. Even though he set out to cause a ruckus, when he realized that a teenie-tiny baby was involved, he made it his first priority. Mr. Criminal-man, we applaud you - if only more criminals could be as thoughtful as you.

6 The stuff of nightmares

via boredpanda

When we think of squirrels, connotations of friendly cuteness usually come to mind. Well, for this Florida man, he'll never be able to see the cute side of a squirrel ever again. The best part, no doubt, is that the squirrel bid its time, snapping the perfect photo before going all-out rogue.

5 "Can I come too?"

via Twitter

It might not look like it, but it's exceptionally clear what's happened here. The monkey is clearly the evil mastermind behind the whole operation, using the unaware Florida man as his pawn in an effort to steal what was probably a rather lemony car. Sneaky monkey, we know what you're up to.

4 Bubble Boy 2.0

via Twitter

It seems that this Florida man became a little too ambitious after watching Jake Gyllenhaal as the Bubble Boy, thinking that he could reinvent the idea and, well, make it all the way to Bermuda. Props to him for giving it ago, however, it doesn't seem like a very well-thought-out plan, to be brutally honest.

3 I the police

via Twitter

As kids, we didn't mind a quick game of cops and robbers to make the time pass. It seems that this particular Florida man, however, never really grew out of the fake police stage, carrying his dollar-store plastic badge on him at all times. Not only is he a 'cop', but he's also the sheriff!

2 Whatever happened to logic?

via Twitter

There is a number of objects that are perfectly acceptable to carry around on the roof of a car. Bikes are doable, sometimes, and perhaps a surfboard or two for when you're heading down to the beach. A 30-foot telephone pole on the other hand - now that just doesn't make a whisker of sense whatsoever.

1 The ideal first date

via Twitter

Forget romantic walks down the beach at sunset and forget a long-lost meeting atop the Empire State Building, because nothing screams ideal first date quite like a Walmart mobility scooter sports bar escort. If this man actually got a second date then the rest of us have been playing the game wrong for years.

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