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20 Weird Toys From The ‘90s That Wouldn’t Fly Today

Here's the thing. For those who never got to experience them, the 90s were actually a pretty fun time with a whole lot of weird and wonderful gizmos, gadgets, toys, and games. For some reason, the 90s were also really big for lots of goos and oozes and such. We never really understood that one.

It was also a time where being PC wasn't taken as seriously by social justice warriors so advertising just ran rampant all over the place in directions that we would not ever think to be wise today. That being said, let's take a stroll down memory lane and play with the toys of days gone by... it already sounds like an uncomfortable advert!

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20 Balzac Balloon Ball

eBay.com

Apart from the ridiculous and woeful advertising for this toy, it actually wasn't all that bad. The whole idea is that it would make a balloon impervious to destruction. That was obviously not the real deal, ultimately, but it was an alright concept. Either way, with the advertising and the poor quality... no way would it work today.

19 Dream Phone

GeekyHobbies.com

Long before Tinder existed, girls had to buy board games and look at pictures of hunky boys (a la New Kids On The Block) in order to see who liked them. The whole thing about Dream Phone was that there was this desire for what ended up being Tinder anyway. And with a phone that big... there's no way it would fly today.

18 Easy Bake Oven

HowStuffWorks.com

There is something to be said about getting kids ready for adult life by teaching them how to bake. It's a good concept. They should know how to get by in that area of life. However, giving 8-year olds an oven that really does work is just asking for way too many injuries because of either dumb kids or their equally nutty parents.

17 Furbies

YourEDM.com

Well, these little toys definitely were a craze at one point. These things got a little heat when they ended up sharing government secrets. Oops. This was in the early days of call and response technology in an AI system. Well, there are new furbies today but if these things were released for the very first time in 2019, these creepy creatures just wouldn't do it.

16 The Punisher

Bustle.com

We guess that we can't be all that surprised that there was a Punisher toy that could be considered inappropriate, but this is a little more than we would expect. Well, back in the 90s, Marvel thought it would be a good idea to allow the release of a 90s toy that had a very huge... cannon... in a very specific place.

15 Game Boy Camera

Modojo.com

We have to give it to Nintendo, at least they tried to put out a lot of unique stuff back in the day. A lot of it really didn't work, but they still tried to be cutting edge. The Game Boy Camera was a cool concept and maybe the first ever selfie device, but it ultimately just made very crumby grey scale photos of gamers and ended up folding pretty quickly.

14 WWF Maximum Sweat

Collectors.com

There was something about fluids and the 90s that ended up being a big deal. Everything was about ooze and sweat and various other liquids. Well, imagine playing with a favorite wrestling toy (if that was a thing anyone ever had) but imagine that while playing, a simple push of a button would cause the toy to sweat... what sort of kid wants that mess literally on their hands?

13 Gooey Louie

Allegro.com

This is a game that some of us had back in the day and it was hilarious, but also very strange looking back on it. The whole point of the game was to pull boogers out of Louie's nose (and they were BIG). Each person would take a turn at de-boogering Louie. One of the boogers was attached to a latch which released Louie's brain from his head... for whatever reason.

12 Sky Dancers

ChokingHazard.com

90s cartoons like The Simpsons already had a go at toys like this ending up in the fireplace or other inconvenient spots. In reality, there were many reported injuries due to these things scraping corneas or getting caught in hair and other similar wounds. The Sky Dancers may have looked pretty and ideal for a princess... but they were mainly used by little boys to inflict pain.

11 Oozinator

AmazonUK.com

All someone has to do to understand why this would just not work today is to watch the commercials for this product. They're out there on the web somewhere and they are...wonderfully ridiculous. Imagine someone packing a gun full of goo, pumping it several times and then shooting it all over someone... that's enough said, we think.

10 Crossfire

Reddit.com

This game was a really cool idea back when people were still interested in gallery shooting at carnivals. Essentially, it would harness that skill and have the players fire at little miniature Beyblades (essentially) until one of them was put into a goal. But kids have Call of Duty these days so... we don't really get how they could get into this.

9 POG

AndroidCommunity.com

Much as a lot of us really did and do like POG, there is just no way it would fly today if it was introduced in 2019. When it first came out (well before the 90s craze), they were nothing more than milk bottle caps. Most people these days don't even know what a traditional milk bottle is or looks like. So, there's a problem right there. And all kids are meant to do is flip the caps with a bigger cap... unless they can shoot the caps, kids today won't care.

8 Puppy Surprise

YouTube.com

Well, there are some very obvious reasons for not having this one around. First of all, it is entirely traumatizing to a kid and second of all, it is completely inaccurate. Imagine if a kid was inspired to become a vet after watching three stuffed puppies emerge right from the gut of their mommy!? That is just not right on so many levels.

7 Skip It

YouTube.com

Aside from the fact that the Skip It was pretty much a toy for people who didn't have friends to actually skip rope with, it is entirely boring. Hop, step, hope, step... how many times can someone do that on their own before they go nutty? Either way, this thing also resulted in several ankle injuries... we think for pretty obvious reasons.

6 Snack Time Cabbage Patch

HowStuffWorks.com

This was always a very strange toy. It definitely wouldn't make it out on the shelves today with the safety standards out now, but there is certainly something about this toy that isn't right. It might be the fact that people could actually feed it real food... or maybe it's that it sent a kid to the hospital because it actually ate real hair...

5 Sock'em Boppers

Amazon.com

These toys had to be renamed to Socker Boppers, simply because of how close the name was to Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Either way, this toy was a little more dangerous than the robots. Essentially it was an inflated punching bag which encouraged kids to beat the crap out of each other (without pain, allegedly)... which led to a ton of injuries.

4 Tickle Me Elmo

TheToyInsider.com

We are pretty sure that this one needs no explanation, especially since Ernie and Bert are no longer allowed to sleep in the same bed anymore. This toy is definitely not PC enough for this day and age. Also... Tickle Me Elmo taught plenty of kids a few wrong things about how people should touch people.

3 Virtual Boy

Gamereactor.com

At the outset, this was actually a pretty sweet idea, we have to admit, but Nintendo definitely messed it up. This was basically around the time that PS1 and Dreamcast were showing up and the N64 hadn't made it yet. Well, all they did was take old Game Boy games and give them a red and black filter... too bad.

2 Water Snake

Pinterest.com

The 'Water Snake' was a very weird toy from the '90s, for sure. And there is very little chance that it would make an appearance today, other than through people who really want what was mistaken often as a toy with... other uses. This squishy plastic container full of water was definitely confusing for some people.

1 Bop It

NewYorkMag.com

This toy would say all sorts of inappropriate phrases during gameplay. Well, they're not actually all that inappropriate, but they would be taken that way today for sure. Bop it. Twist it. Pull it. Squeeze it. What are we talking about here? It was a fun enough game if nothing else.

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