Whisper confessions are definitely one of the best things on the Internet at this moment. I mean, who doesn't like going through other people's dirty laundry (figuratively speaking, of course)? From confessions about doing it for the first time, to confessions about throwing parties at cemeteries — Whisper has it all! And what makes these confessions cool is the fact that they were submitted by real people, maybe even some of our readers.
One topic that always gives me a good laugh is the weird things some couples do. There are so many funny, cringeworthy, and embarrassing ones, so naturally I decided to find 15 that are the cream of the crop.
So, here they are: 15 hilarious (and mostly disgusting) Whisper confessions about couples and the terrible (and somehow romantic) things they do together.
15 She Got Her Nails Did
We all know that there are several phases of every relationship. First, it's making out, then it seems to get a little more sexual, later on, it's moving in together, and one of the most awkward phases is peeing or pooping in front of your partner. People find going to the restroom embarrassing enough. So imagine doing it in front of the person you're sexually attracted to!
But trust me, there are much worse things than that, and I have a perfect example for that. One person confessed on Whisper that they asked their boyfriend to wipe their butt after going number two. I know, I know, definitely TMI! And the reason behind that weird request is pretty simple: that person had their nails painted recently and they didn't want to ruin them... To be honest, I imagined this scene in my head, and now I can't un-see it. It will haunt me forever!
14 Family Is There To Help You Out
Wikipedia defines cross-dressing as "the act of wearing items of clothing and other accouterments commonly associated with the opposite sex within a particular society." It also states that "cross-dressing has been used for purposes of disguise, comfort, and self-discovery in modern times and throughout history."
Believe me when I say it, you'd be surprised if you knew how many people actually do this. One of those people is the person who submitted this Whisper confession. They said, "I am a passable crossdresser. After my wife’s brother's wife left him my wife convinced me to dress up for him and take him on a date to help him be comfortable again." I have to say that's very kind of them, yet it's so weird at the same time. Is it not strange for two brother-in-laws to go on a date together?
13 Is This What The Youth Today Considers To Be Love Games?
You probably thought you were done reading about farts for today, huh? Well, I'm sorry to let you know that that's not true. And hey, don't blame me, it's not my fault people are turned on by farts! Did you think that the previous farting confession was way too weird? Well, then get ready for this one. One couple confessed that they like to choke each other and yell, "DIE!". After that, they wrestle, and the winner of the wrestling competition gets to fart in the loser's face.
Seriously, how romantic is that? Is this what kids today would call #RelationshipGoals? Do you think it would be weird if this couple put their passion for farting into their wedding vows? Like, "until farts do us part"? God, I hope not.
12 Blowing Snot Rockets While Showering Together Is Not Cute
Showering is the best part of a day, at least for me. Taking a shower is more than just taking a shower. Oh, it's so much more than that. This is the part of your day when you get to take off all of that uncomfortable clothing, lock your bathroom door, play some music, and start performing — using the shower head as your mic. Once everything is set in place, this is the part where you get to wash off all of the frustrations and anger you experienced that day. This is your time. That's why it's always a little more freeing to shower alone.
However, this one person was not aware of the fact that you shouldn't let anyone shower with you. And now, they're facing the disgusting consequences. Their boyfriend, who showers with them, blows snot rockets in the shower. I guess it's important to cleanse your sinuses, but maybe these two should shower separately from now on?
11 This Is Not How Online Relationships Work
You know what sucks? Being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't live in the same town as you. True, long-distance relationships can be good in a way that you don't get to see each other every day and, you know, there's less chances that you and your partner will get bored of each other. But yeah, these types of relationships are mostly tough. You don't get to kiss when you want; you don't get to cuddle when you want; you don't get to be intimate when you want. The only way you get to see each other is through Skype until the next road trip is planned!
Let's be honest, though, you can't do much on Skype. You can watch each other eat, you can try having cyber sex—which is boring—and you can watch your boyfriend shave his private area... Wait, what? Well, at least that's what this couple does when they're apart. How lovely!
10 Who Said Vampires Weren't Real?
Have you ever heard of hematolagnia? Probably not, right? Like me, you probably can't even pronounce it right. But you can assume what it's about, right? The word "hema" is almost always associated with blood. Well, according to the Free Dictionary, hematolagnia is "a sexual fetish for blood which evokes arousal when present on the fetishist’s sexual partner, especially if nude. It is often accompanied by licking or drinking blood through bloodletting or biting." Does it sound creepy? Well, that's because it is! But it's apparently a real fetish that people are into, so I shouldn't judge...
If you don't trust me, though, just look at this Whisper confession where one person admits that they and their partner like to bite each other until they start bleeding, and then lick that blood off! And I thought vampires weren't real...
9 Once Again — Always Shower Alone
Just a few scrolls up I talked about the importance of showering. Well, about the importance of showering alone, to be more specific. Well, if I didn't convince you the first time, I hope this confession will help with that. This confession is very short, very simple, and very straight to the point.
This couple likes to pee on each other in the shower (for those who don't know, this odd, yet very common activity is called "the golden shower"). But hey, that's not all! They also pee in the water while they're taking a bath, which means that they end up lying in their own pee for quite some time. I'm not a health professional, but I don't think that's very healthy or sanitary.
8 This Couple That Rates Each Other's Farts
Farting is a very weird part of our lives. Like, why do we fart? And why does it smell so bad? It's bad enough when we have to fart alone, so imagine how awful it is to fart in front of somebody else. This is super common with couples — they try not to fart in front of each other, but let's face it, it will happen eventually. The only question is, who'll do it first?
But farting is not a problem for this couple. It's more of a competition than an actual problem. According to their Whisper confession, this competitive couple smells and rates each other's farts, even during sex. I can totally imagine them yelling, "STOP, STOP, I’M GOING TO FART" during sex and I just don't know how I feel about it. I understand farting is natural and everyone does it, but I feel like a line is being crossed.
7 The Things You Do For The Ones You Love
Hemorrhoids are swollen veins in the lowest part of our rectums and anuses. But you've probably known that already, right? It's general knowledge. But what you probably didn't know is that millions people develop hemorrhoids at some point of their life. Did you know that in the U.S., over 10 million people report have hemorrhoids? That's a lot of people. You might have wondered why I'm talking about this... Well, check the confession above and you'll see why!
This couple is one of the unfortunate ones to be affected with this health issue. Well, at least one half of this couple. However, they fight against it together. How romantic is it that this person puts cream on the boyfriend's hemorrhoids? Let me answer for everyone — it's not romantic at all!
6 Why Use Nail Polish Remover, When Your BF Can Suck Off The Paint
Wikipedia defines sexual fetishism as "a sexual fixation on a nonliving object or non-genital body part," but this term can also refer to "sexual interest in specific activities in common discourse." S&M, golden showers, role-playing, and foot worship are some of the most popular and most common fetishes.
Speaking of foot worship, this one person confessed that they and their partner like to suck each other toes (I guess this makes it a toe worship instead of a foot worship, but that's almost the same). I mean, if you ask me, sucking toes should definitely not be a part of your love life, like EVER! It's not hygienic at all. Just think about all the bacteria that will end up in your mouth, and your body.
5 Why Should I Pick Mine, When I Can Pick Yours?
Nose-picking is a disgusting human habit. It's disgusting doing it, and it's disgusting just to look at someone else do it. I mean, what even are those things that people extract with their fingers? I only know it's called mucus. Oh, and even though some studies claim that eating your mucus is good for you, on behalf of the whole world, please don't do it — it's just gross.
Anyways, as I was saying, this habit is simply awful and it needs to be stopped. But what's worse is the fact that this one person starts picking their girlfriend's nose once they become bored with their own! I'm sorry, but just thinking about this makes me want to vomit. And trying to picture that would definitely result in my laptop being covered by what I had for lunch today.
4 How Adorable Is This?
Okay, finally something that I don't find as disturbing and repelling as the rest of this article — lint picking! I mean, this is definitely not on the top of my favorite activities, but I'm okay with picking the lint out of my belly button; but only MY belly button! The butt crack, on the other hand, is a big fat NO.
Obviously, some people don't share the same opinion as I do, which is fine. This confession is about a couple who picks the lint out of each other's belly buttons AND butt cracks... Sweaty, hairy, greasy butt cracks! I don't understand why they do this. What's so satisfying in picking lints from somebody's butt crack? I guess I won't know until I try it (which will never happen, ever).
3 Honey, Guess What I Had For Lunch?
What do ordinary couples do? What are some fun and exciting couples activities? I know some couples that don't do anything together, except for staying in together and watching Netflix. Then there are some couples who are totally into going on double dates. Some of them just like going to the movies together, taking long walks, etc. Yeah, one could say those are some activities ordinary couples do.
But, do you ever wonder what other couples do on their downtime? Well, this whole article is full of examples, and this here is just one of them. This not-so-ordinary couple likes to make out. But making out gets a little boring sometimes, so they play a game instead. One of them, let's say the boyfriend, would breath into their girlfriend's mouth, and the girlfriend would have to guess what the boyfriend had for lunch or dinner. A very interesting game, isn't it?
2 Let's Hope They Don't Do This During Lunch
Here we have another example of how couples can do a whole lot of strange sh*t. I mean, the TMI level in this article is off the charts. This confession here is about a couple that has a pretty odd habit; whenever they are alone, they randomly flash each other their, uhm, rectums. Yeah, you read that right... It seems that at first they did it just for fun, but now it's a real competition. I just hope that they don't do it while they're eating, because that's just disturbing! I'd throw up if somebody did that to me on a consistent basis.
I wonder who started this whole thing anyway. Don't you? Like, what was the initial reaction of the person that was flashed the very first time?
1 She Should Take Him To Disney World Sometimes
When you hear the word "Disney," what is the first thing that pops in your head? Is it their tagline, "The Happiest Place On Earth"? Or is it some of your favorite Disney movies? Well, either way, it's something happy or magical right? Well, the first thing this happy couple can think of when they hear the word "Disney" is Mickey Mouse! Why? Because Mickey is a part of their everyday routine where the person who confessed this wears their girlfriend's bra around their head and says that they're 'Mickey Mouse,' while the said girlfriend chases them around the house.
I mean, if they really love Mickey Mouse, they should definitely go to Disney World ASAP, because you can see Mickey on every corner there! No bras necessary.